One bard casting a Lazy Lungs spell on another (AI art)
I had such a fun time doing Zeppedee-doo-dah May last year that I thought I’d revisit it. There were a number of items I had wanted to post back then but found the month ended way too soon. This pun-filled list of spells and magic items was one of them.
Led Zeppelin Spells and Magic Items
| Bed-thyme of Bonzo: This aromatic mix of magical herbs, held in a muslin pouch, is capable of putting even the most unruly drunk straight to sleep if held under their nose.
Custer’s Cream Pie: Creates a cream-topped pie out of nowhere and throws it at the target’s face, immobilizing them for 1 -4 rounds. Daze and Confuse: The victim becomes emotional bereft, as well as intellectually muddled for a number of rounds. Gnome Quarter: Reduces a gnome’s stats down to one quarter of what they would normally be for the duration of the spell. This includes armor class, hit points, and attacks, as well as personal attributes like strength and intelligence. Incendiary Pageboy: This effete-looking blonde pageboy wig, created by the magic-using highwayman Jo-Nzee, has a sinister purpose. When ripped from the wearer’s head and thrown at a target, it turns into a firebomb capable of destroying an entire building or large creature. Jo-Nzee kept a supply of these wigs on hand to aid his nefarious activities, aided by the impression they gave of the wearer being a silly fop. Lazy Lungs: This magical curse is one minstrels or bards typically throw at a rival. It reduces the victim’s oxygen intake so they are unable to project their voice. The physical ingredient is a leaf from a withered plant. Misty Mountain Hops: These magical hops brew an especially potent beer. Drinkers will want to get up and dance and be merry after just a few sips. This beer never causes a hangover, and drinkers who imbibe too much fall asleep and never act violently or aggressively. Playful Presence: Creates a friendly poltergeist who plays various tricks for a period of time, like hiding items and then returning them, tapping on the windows, and cleaning up the dishes. The presence is never malicious and can even protect the area in some way, like alerting inhabitants to danger. Staff of the Stickman: Points the owner to dried logs and sticks suitable for a fire. It also lets them carry up to their own body weight in dried wood back to camp bundled on their back. Torc of the Black Country: A silver torc (Celtic neck ring) plated with silver and set with pieces of dark turquoise stone and sparkling black opals. The torc enhances a musician’s skill and stamina and also their charisma, attracting to them adoring members of their preferred gender. Wand of Miscommunication: Creates an area of effect where no one, and I mean no one, will understand correctly what is said to them, though they will think they do. Mayhem usually results. The wand is effective across all languages and means of communication, such as sign language. You Need Coolin’ : When the words to this spell are sung or chanted, a hot item too painful to touch, like a fresh-baked pie, a sunburn, or metal from the forge, cools down to room temperature. Ymij’s Dragon Thread: This large spool of multicolored silk thread comes with a silver needle. With it the user can embroider beautiful dragons on any kind of clothing which enhances the charisma of the wearer. |
( A note on the Midjourney pic above. It’s based on a pic of Robert and Jimmy, but for some reason Jimmy wound up looking like Steven Tyler with snakes in his hair. )
