I thought I felt something in my eye!
Worldbuilding Wednesday 9/6/17: Barbarians
A barbarian ready for action on the battlefield. Note the cleanly picked skeletons.
(Conan the Barbarian, by Uncanny Knack)
Without dispute, pulp author Robert E. Howard invented the fantasy character trope of The Barbarian Hero, specifically with his creation Conan. But the roots were laid before that in the Tarzan tales of Edgar Rice Burroughs and Rudyard Kipling’s Mowgli. Both pitted a stoic, nature-wise man (or boy) of the wilds against corrupt human civilization. Conan went further, though, in his manly-man appetites for pleasure and acclaim.
During the fifty year span of the 1930s to the 1980s the Barbarian remained a popular character among readers, building to a peak in the mid 80s when the trope entered movie blockbuster territory, and popular culture, with Arnold Schwarzeneggar’s depiction in Conan the Barbarian (1982.) In turn that begat Clo-nans like Krull, Beastmaster, Deathstalker, The Sword and the Sorceror, and Ator the Invinceable, all beloved by schlock cinema aficionados, not to mention me. Since it was the 1980s, many of these had a post-apocalyptic theme as well, taking place after some nuclear holocaust as well as in the distant past.
Sadly, The Barbarian Hero declined in popularity after that. His rise and eventual fall is charted excellently here in this post by Castalia House.
But Clo-nans existed way before that, in the heyday of the pulp age. Tarzan beget Jo-Jo of the Jungle, Ki-gor, Ka-Zar, Korak Son of Tarzan, and Turok Man of Stone: meanwhile Kull the Conqueror, Kane, Brak, Wulf, Thongor, Kothar the Barbarian Swordsman, Kane, Vandal, and Dagar gave Howard’s creation a run for his money. The Barbarian was dressed up, as in Michael Moorcock’s angsty Elric of Melnibone series, and dressed down, as in the Saturday morning cartoon Thundarr the Barbarian and before that, The Herculoids. He appeared as an object of fun, as in Fritz Leiber’s Fafhrd stories and the humorous character Conan the Librarian.
Following the very simple rules of Barbarian name generation (lots of Ks and Zs) here are some to use in your own work.
Canadian Provinces
| Vazkas of Koboria
Strong-Skulled Thygor Tiger Son Shovung Zotran the Shaman Prince Saygor The Viking Saak the Marauder Tradak the Demon Prince Aalach the Ghost Raider Kysur The Ranger Naman the White Champion Mighty-Thewed Thangobo Cassark the Savage Panthez of the Jungle Abraak, the Black Marauder Tarsur the Defender Kamuz the Storm Hunter Samark the Chieftain Turgor the Challenger Jondogorn of the Savage Land Jor-Jor of the Ape Clan Kindradi of the Lost World Avung of the Emerald Forest An-Chan of the Leopard People Zhalak of the Forgotten Kingdom Zolaan of the Secret Valley Tark-Ark of the Wolf Clan |
Fire Bringer Shaylak
Mamban of the Cobra Kazan of the Canyon Nammak the Nomad Zardan the Conqueror Thuvar the Challenger Tujor, the Blue Demon Rashtor the River Prince Janjor the Moon Lord Panthas the Jungle King Reek the Raider Kronsul the Destroyer Hawk-Eyed Tolak King Kindrados Kazan of Tabornia Fire Speaker Sagan Tarbo, the Forest Warrior Jophran the Sun Bringer Jorjak the Forest Prince Tigrath the Stone Chief Kamjor the Forest Warrior Simbu the Moon Lord Kronas of the Rainforest Aragor the Dark Moon Warrior Thurak the Spirit Warrior Star Sentry Farder |
Dracolich
The Dracolich, or undead dragon, is the most terrifying and powerful of all dragonkin.
Fortunately they are few and far between.
Worldbuilding Wednesday 8/30/17: Mundane Fare
Let’s face it. Most of the food in a typical Medieval European kingdom wasn’t very exciting.
This is better than most, folks.
Historically, the peasant staple in Europe and the Near East was porridge, which is, basically, a form of oatmeal — whole grains boiled in water or milk, decanted into a bowl and eaten with a spoon. Its thinner cousin was gruel, which was slurped rather than eaten. Wheat, rye, rice, millet, barley, oats, and hemp served as the base. If you were lucky, you had salt or butter to flavor it, and depending on season, fruit and meat. Porridges and gruels were also made with legumes such as peas and lentils. Modern Indian dhaals and rajmahs, as well as Middle Eastern hummus, can be considered a form of porridge, albeit with more varied ingredients.
That said, I admit porridge or gruel isn’t very picturesque to write about.
So, here’s a (randomly created) list of realistic but not very exciting food a typical fantasy character might eat, perhaps at home or in some poor inn. The second column is what a character might eat while traveling on a quest. Note that they rely on ingredients that are cheap and easily obtainable.
I guess.
Home Cooking
| Poached venison and creamed peas
Baked carrots and leeks, served with barley Cornmeal crackers and a thick, buttery, lentil stew A generous serving of rabbit with a side of mashed turnip Goat and lentil soup Mutton chowder spiced with thyme Fried buckwheat and parsnip cakes Whole grain bread and spicy cheese, served with raspberry preserves Mushrooms simmered in pork stock Day-old bread topped with creamed herring Poached fish heads served with pickled turnip |
Road Food
| Fermented goat’s milk
Stringy sausage made from a suckling pig A tough, tasteless pie made with fish and onions Wizard’s blueberry, a pale blue berry with starchy flesh Trail crackers of wheatberry and dried quince Cold slices of headcheese and pork Travel biscuits of wheat and dried fig Thin slices of sheep’s lungs dried in the sun until hard Dwarve’s Loaf * Gulllunga, a hard, crunchy cheese Dehydrated pear strips |
* I will leave it up to you to decide what Dwarve’s Loaf is.
Authentic tableware for your fantasy world.
Geek X Girls has an amusing version of RPG “Rations” (Food) for various AD&D races, complete with pictures. Gives you an idea of what adventurers might really eat on the road.
If you want to prepare your own gruel, here’s a recipe.
Basic Gruel
3 tbs. of groats (any combo of finely crushed grains) or my favorite, grits!
3/4 cup water (more if you like it wetter)
Dash of salt
Little bit of butter, if your character isn’t too poor.
-
- Boil the water and salt in a saucepan on the stove. Slowly stir in groats or grits.
- Add butter. Cover the pan and reduce heat to low.
- Cook for 5 to 6 minutes, stirring occasionally. If you like your gruel thicker, continue cooking until you have the consistency you like.
I eat this dish Mexican-style, topped with hot sauce and grated cheese.
Worldbuilding Wednesday 8/23/17: Jungle Girls
Jungle Girls are the female counterpart to Tarzan, Sabu, and countless other wild men and boys clad in flapping loincloths swinging through the trees. Modern interpretations of her began with Rima the Bird Girl, a character in the 1903 novel Green Mansions, which makes her older than Tarzan who debuted in 1912. Like Burrough’s creation she was often an orphan raised in the wilderness by animals or natives, but unlike Tarzan she also appeared as seductress, the wanton Queen or sorceress of a lost civilization. She also played the role of victim for the male adventurer to rescue. Her popularity took off with the pulp and Hollywood age, and she appeared in hundreds of books, adventure magazines, comics, and movie serials. Many incarnations came and went over the years, most forgotten now: Vooda, Nyoka, Lana, Rulah, Taanda, Luana. Sense a pattern here?
Following are some evocative Jungle Girl names writers can use in their own work.
Jungle Girls
| Black Shayina
Jansa the Jaguar Queen Nammina of the Jade Jackal Karida, Lady of the Zebras Ganzha Queen of Paradise Thuvoka the Forest Girl Staranee the Eagle Girl Thuruma, Princess of the Moon Fantna, the Black Huntress Jania, Mistress of the Jungle Farmeena, Queen of the Forest Sabra the Rising Witch Faroka the Falcon Girl Fanta the Elephant Girl Turanee the Lion Girl Nyona the Hyena Girl Beluna the Dingo Girl Farida the Leopard Girl Zanida the Emerald Forest Maiden Rashalina the Swamp Goddess Princess Jondanee of the Sighing City Oyna, the Secret Queen of the trees Thurra the Gentle Huntress Mokkira the Divine Mistress of the Moon Mambalina the Jungle Orchid Yvezana, White Moon of the Rainforest |
Sauma the Blue
Reesa the Barbarian Princess Warrior Queen Rashika Aquilia, the Conqueror Queen Leina of the Lion Clan Vinmeena, the Viking Princess Kyzara the Mercenary Princess Queen Tarona the Savage Oukana the Sacred Queen Nozola, the Destroyer Queen Talkana, the Nomad Princess Tona the She-Devil Thuria the Witch Queen Savage Princess Wiluna Amazon Queen Rhomeena Nika, Princess of the Steppe Green Zanna Karina, the Witch Princess Jaydina the Huntress Alya, Green Ghost of the Forest Tarmeena the Sorceress Queen Cassanee of Sarhonistan Sazha the She-Wolf Mokkana, Savage Lioness of the Plains Xenasa, the Mountain Pearl Ganthonga of the Witch Kingdom |
Our Trash Will Eat Us
…eventually. All things take time.
(artwork by Phil McDermott)
Worldbuilding Wednesday 8/16/17: Dragon Names
No other creature is as evocative of the contemporary fantasy genre as the dragon. They combine snakes, lizards, dinosaurs, large mammalian predators, and human intellects into one massive, armored, fire-breathing package. (Their drives, however, are their own.)
The current version of the dragon dates from within the last 100 years. Tolkien gave us a deadly foe in The Hobbit’s Smaug, but it was really the 1960s when the dragon literally and figuratively took off. Perhaps it was folk trio’s Peter, Paul and Mary’s song Puff the Magic Dragon, or the very dragon-like Cecil the Sea Serpent in the Cecil and Beanie TV kid’s show. It may have been excerpts from Walt Disney’s The Reluctant Dragon (1941) shown ad nauseum on The Walt Disney Show every Sunday night, or the spectacular metamorphosis of Maleficent from evil witch into dragon form in the animated film Sleeping Beauty. Or, perhaps, the many dragon-like creatures populating such Saturday morning fare like The Herculoids. But whatever the case, dragons arrived and made their titanic footprint on the scene, supported in no small way by the growing popularity of dinosaurs among the small set.
That presence eventually bore fruit in novel series like Anne McCaffrey’s The Dragonriders of Pern (begun in 1967) and Ursula K. LeGuin’s Earthsea, and fantasy writers began using them more frequently. But what really lit the fuse was the mass-marketing of the Dungeons and Dragons roleplaying game, with its creatures color-coded to evil (primary colored) and good (metallic) dragons, with different breath weapons and tendencies for each. Over the years these germinal reptiles mutated into dozens if not hundreds of other forms, some fairly ridiculous (Fairy dragons anyone?)
And dragons continue to stretch out their snaky necks in new directions. They’ve recently claimed a section of the urban fantasy market, transforming into slabs of beefcake for the delectation of romance readers who enjoy shapeshifter characters.
Nevertheless, it’s hard to come up with a distinctive name for a dragon character. Here’s a list of randomly generated names to use for your own creations, following the Tolkien, McCaffrey, and LeGuin conventions, sprinkled with some Latin and sibilant sounds.
Dragon Names
| Zynth
Shezuth Star-song Ronth Enuphion the Tyrant Ancalasez the Scourge The Skyghost Jucaumer Grisgrax Ancalpyax Stormwreck the Great Wyrm King Kraitbandar Ansrit Thisme the Burning Maw Nagrumox the Great Worm Sjiag the Clawed Shadow Cnothgon the Wise Gauntgrim the Gray Empress Flamegorger Meblak the Vengeful Ftafer the Burning Plague Ancaruhan Rain-bringer Master Hellscream Luthigne, the Winged Destroyer Tyrlon the White Luthanzi Sun-jewel Ballag the Tyrant Shashos Moongray Ancalluth the Armored Anhkphar the Erudite Rievetaur, Plunderer of the Badlands Incamodan Spyug Tyrphaz the Ancient Nagnaw Thristhrax the Red Grisgrund the Stormlord Unthaug, Ravager of the Western Hills Nagaes the Ice Storm Magraulle Skyribbon Skymourn the Blizzard Queen The Coalstriker Old Hellscrew Flamespark the Wise Aneylong, Bane of the Elven Forests Grisbagon the Terror of the Canyon |
Old Greenfellow
Mistress Moongray Bharcant Sun-ribbon Naegnaw Luthang the Gray Anliredon the Peaceful Anshas the Despoiler Drakpang, Empress of the lands of men Kakunth the Icy Destroyer Balsez Cloudseeker Steug Krautch Unshulagon Scheig Yetroid Cnaufier the Brown Blauph Braum Wynth Vinsripan the Deadly Sveug Smaucnau Mnetzlong the Ravager Sazsent Storm-mist Kletaur Hfaux Yevkhaat Augrund the Dark Watcher Itzelagon Sziug Irsagon Yaluoj Vermaur Essrit the White Ansrinx Eutrapyon the Protector Vermischan the Invulnerable Angme, the Icy Furnace Luthkas the Blue Harkrieve the Wicked Onzilagon Phdaugh Ainsez Stormjoy Bharin Baluin |
Sea Monster
The last thing the oceanographer saw.
(Concept art from the Syfy movie Dinoshark)
Worldbuilding Wednesday, 8/9/17: Bureaucracies
Portrait of Auster Denoerval, by Virginie Carquin
Fantasy organizations are not limited to the grandiose and world-shaking. Scores of bureaucratic organizations run silently beneath the surface, serving to frustrate and stymie your characters in pursuit of their goals. Terry Pratchett, Franz Kafka, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Stanislaw Lem, and J. K. Rowling all used them to good effect. Often they also serve as humorous interludes, as in Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker series. Can they be satirical or offer social commentary? You bet. Often a minor character appears who offers up some pompous resume tidbit, and with this in mind, I created a list of impossible and not-so-impossible bureaucracies below.
Bureaucracies
| Division of Unmentionable Mummification
Ministry of Reptilian Petrification Department of Gustatory Purity Task Force for the Relinquishment of Religious Idols National Institute of Mercantile Transformation Regional Institute of Virtuous Education Managerial Division of Domestic Communication Imperial Task Force on Strategic Studies Federal Task Force for the Creation of Healthy Aesthetics Managerial Institute for Strategic Hygiene Druidic Hearing on Intelligent Horticulture Bureau of Eldritch Battlecraft Imperial Federation of Paranormal Persuasion Federal Division of Philosophical Inquiry Civic Bureau of Artful Labor Imperial Institute of Human Love Robust Hearing on Witches’ Adventuring Federal Institute of Magical Freedom Managerial Bureau of Insidious Comedy Imperial Commission for Free Athletics Managerial Commission on Spiritual Freedom National Institute of Mercantile Management |
Bureaucracies also include scholarly societies as might be found associated with a college or university.
Scholarly Societies
| Bindenum Institute of Ophidian Intelligence
Imperial Task Force for the Study of Military Oddities Royal Academy of Archaic Discoveries Crossneedle Royal Campaign for Demonic Rights League of Imperial Scholars The Order of Hooded Sages Professors of the Phlegmatic Trillium Bright Wheels Literary Society College of the Iron Laurel Studious Society of Perfumed Fools Way of the Fiery Wheel Students of the Fulsome Heart Scholars’ Conference on Gently Persuading Religious Literature Sage’s Conference on Progressive Legendary Diseases The Blacksmiths of Literature Drovers of Civilization Tricksters of Intelligence Buskers of Warcaft The Flaming Faction of Hell’s Scholars The Eternal League of Skywise Scholars Imperial Academy of Draconian Discoveries Academy of Dignified Military Education |