This short story about a near-future NYC.
Netflix’s Bad Surgeon: Love Under the Knife, about doctor and charlatan Paolo Macchiarini who implanted artificial tracheas in patients without adequate testing.
Forgotten mascots of the Christmas season. See my list of fictional ones.
German Springerle cookies featuring former Trump Press Secretary Sean Spicer, aka the guy who hid in the White House bushes. Of course it’s AI.
It’s not really Christmas unless you eat or bake some sort of traditional German cookie! Like Lebkuchen, better known to the English-speaking world as gingerbread. Pfeffernusses are also popular as well as Spritzgeback, those cookies you pipe through a cookie press to form decorative swirls. In the US they are called Spritzen or simply Spritz cookies. (Spritz is German for syringe.)
But for sheer hard work and exoticism, nothing beats Springerle. These cookies are made with a firm, claylike dough that is pressed into a wooden mold, which is then popped out onto a baking sheet. There is no leavening in them so they don’t rise with cooking. When baked, they are sweet and decorative, but also very hard; the kind of cookie that is made to impress (pardon the pun) at a fancy Kaffeeklache. The trick is in getting the dough just right and oiling and flouring the mold properly.
Traditional molds were hand-carved of wood, but in the early 1990s, when there was a craze for all sorts of time-intensive, difficult crafts, clay molds made a resurgence. I had one shaped like a tyrannosaurus rex and I NEVER got the damn thing to work right. One particular piece near his foot would never peel out properly, leaving him deformed. The manufacturers of the molds later retconned their use to include paper molding and other crafts, but the damage, at least to me, had been done. I didn’t attempt another Springerle type cookie until decades later.
The Springerles above feature an image of former Trump press secretary Sean Spicer, whose name I felt was appropriate for Christmas. His photo is to the left so you can gauge what a fine job Midjourney did with his likeness. He’s good enough to eat!
The randomgenned and randomtweaked cookies below are named in the Germanic style, and I like to think they’re delicious-sounding but impenetrable, and prone to surprising you with unexpected spiciness or hardness that can break a tooth.
| Anis Frausutten
Bauenkungen Drinzkipferln Glauspritz mit Kaffee Guskinzels Haselnuss Sprungnik Kleineschnekken Kokoknopfs Kringlespritz |
Muncheskuchen
Pfefferings Pomsterne Schokolade Kinderkugels Smekerle Sprungizst Brötchen Vogenbrot Zagschittel Zuchertinzels |
by Cait Corrain
Everybody’s been talking lately about the publishing scandal involving debut author Cait Corrain and her fantasy novel Crown of Starlight, so I thought I’d put in my opinion.
The whole story is here and tells it more eloquently and completely than I can, but the gist is this: Corrain created several (some accounts say nine) sockpuppet** accounts on Goodreads.com, and used them to give one and two star reviews to certain other fantasy authors, and higher star ratings to her own book. This is before her book had even come out, or even any ARC (advanced reader’s copies) of it. To make things more controversial, the low ratings were given to BIPOC ones, and some of the sockpuppet accounts had minority-sounding names. And not only that, some of those targeted authors had books coming out by the same publisher as Corrain or were also repped by her agent.
An old hand-colored photo of Santa Claus in Czarist Russia – NOT. (AI generated)
Santa Claus is a European invention, and the idea of Santa wearing a red suit with white trim, black boots, and a stocking cap, an American one. Courtesy of the Coca-Cola company which costumed him such to match the red in their company logo, which was for an ad campaign. But even so, the same outfit and character, in different places around the world, takes on some of its local color. Like here. (Entirely fictional and generated by AI, but it’s fun.)
| Botswana: Santa travels around with a small brown pony and tells children enrapturing stories.
Mongolia: Santa stuffs his jacket to obtain a proper paunch and wears a white fur hat. The fleecy details on his costume are made of uncombed goat’s fleece. Easter Island: Santa doesn’t come here, but one of the statues is dressed up as Santa. Venezuela: Santa parades through the streets spreading cheer and occasionally sits down on a chair in the middle of the avenue, stopping traffic. Samoa: Santa wears red shorts and walks around barefoot. He wears a scarf of tropical greenery and gives people rides on his back. Japan: Santa writes children’s names in sumi-e style and gives it to them as a gift. He is much older than the usual Santa, looking to be in his 90s. New Delhi, India: Santa travels around in a wheelchair accompanied by a dwarf wearing a Sihk turban, whose cheeks he pinches. Hunan Province, China: Santa’s coat is red and embroidered with traditional Chinese designs in gold thread. He wears glasses and his beard is very long. Underneath the coat he wears practical white sweatpants. Antarctica, McMurdo Sound Station: Santa arrives in a raft accompanied by penguin chicks. But it’s customary for everyone there to dress up as Santa, really, and cavort around outside. (Christmas in Antarctica comes at the height of the summer season.) |
This 1970s public library doesn’t exist.
One of the things that fascinates me about visual AI generations is how they allow one to peek into the multiverse.
Not the real multiverse, mind you. That hasn’t been proved to exist. But an illusion of a multiverse, with different products, people, animals and buildings, all skewed greatly or slightly from our own reality. A look into some alternate timeline where the death of a butterfly in the Cretaceous era (as in the Ray Bradbury short story “A Sound of Thunder”) drastically changes the world of the future.
Like this picture of a bizarre Christmas dish from some 1950s recipe booklet that never existed.
AI art by Reddit user frostyfoxdesign
Most of these images were done in the spirit of fun, in the vein of satire. That sort of thing’s been going on for ages in MAD magazine and kids’ products like Wacky Packages and Garbage Pail Kids. But AI gives such alt.world digressions such a stunning sense of realness (even though we know it isn’t real) we can’t help but be fooled, even if for a millisecond.
AI art by Reddit user ThatBombShit
These chips could be an actual flavor, given that Lays has created limited-edition chips in the past like BLT and Tikka Masala (the latter very good.) But they aren’t.
AI art by Reddit user POGO_BOY38
There could be a Gettysburg Lego set in the works for all we know. I mean, they’ve already done ikebana. (I know the text gives this one away.)
AI art by Reddit user cool_architect
This novelty record album of dogs barking in tune to songs by the Beatles was never recorded. Though if it was, it would have sold like hotcakes at the height of Beatlemania.
AI art by Reddit user ExoticAd8966
Hipster Harry Potter never stared up into the security camera of his workplace while defiantly smoking a cigar.
AI art by Reddit user AI-Whisperer
Somewhere a jeweler past or present has thought of making a piece of art like this. But no one did, until now, and it’s entirely imaginary.
AI Art by Reddit user Agent_Wolfe
A Thanksgiving parade from the 1960s captured in a faded color photograph with a crying baby spoiling the shot. Note that 1960s toys meant to be endearing back then are beginning to look bizarre to today’s tastes.
AI art by Reddit user Sullen_Sparrow
And finally, Link (of Legend of Zelda fame) appears on a 1980s TV sitcom.
Spell tablets made of slate
Curse tablets were a cottage industry in ancient Greece. Spells embodying the caster’s desires were written on plaques of stone, clay, papyrus, wax, even thin sheets of gold. Then, to reach the gods, they were thrown into wells or buried with the dead (often without permission from the dead one’s next of kin.) It’s likely they may have been burnt, too, or even eaten. The Greeks were a pragmatic folk, so most of these were along the lines of cursing a rival in love or taking revenge on some business.
Some of the magicians who created these things mass produced them beforehand, leaving a blank space to fill in the caster’s name. For a gaming campaign, tablets are a somewhat clunky way to cast spells, so I’d feel free to ignore it.
The list of spells below was inspired by life in Greek cities like Athens and Thebes. Being as myth and the gods played such big roles in cultural life, I believe many spells would be named after them or inspired by them.
| Accursed Scholar: Inflicts the victim with a splitting migraine headache so they can’t study or do research.
Balm of Odysseus: Spell that soothes the recipient’s homesickness. Broaden Shield-Wall Formation: A spell used on the battlefield. It’s cast on a group of hoplites to make them spread out while holding their shields in front of them. The opposite of it is Tighten Shield-Wall Formation. Chisel Memory: When cast on a chisel, it will carve out the last picture or inscription made with it. Delusion of Sappho: This spell, only cast on females, makes them think they have become a lesbian. If they already are, it has no effect. Fiery Pyxis: Creates a mariner’s compass out of fire that will let a sailor of any skill level navigate across the sea. Form Restoration: Restores the original form of any being turned into an animal or plant, or turned into an inanimate substance (like stone.) This powerful spell is one all Greek mages eventually learn, given how common shapechanging is in Greek myth. Journey of Eros: A clerical spell that is read aloud to a couple being married and long enough to be prayer. It tells of love between two people and how that love should be maintained. At the end, the newly married receive a +1 in Wisdom that lasts for their honeymoon period. Necropolis Messenger: Summons a shade from its tomb to deliver a simple message to another. Distance is no matter to the shade as it travels extradimensionally through the Underworld. Oration Fasting: The finest Greek orators refrain from eating before their speeches because it improves their mental clarity and stamina. This spell enables them to do so without feeling hungry or deprived. Orchard of Helios: When cast on a group of apple trees, this spell gives the illusion that the fruits are all made of gold. Peace of Hypnos: Makes the recipient fall into a deep sleep. When they awake they are completely refreshed. Persistent Lentils: When cast on a pot or bowl a cooked meal of lentils is sitting in, this spell continuously replenishes them for up to eight hours. In theory a whole army can fed from one pot. Restore Greaves: Cleans, polishes, and refreshes any pair of greaves damaged in battle. Voice of Poseidon: Amplifies the caster’s voice to sound as loud and booming as the sea god’s. Wise Muse: Summons a calm, intelligent companion who will act as an inspiration to an artist, musician, or writer. The companion is always of the artist’s preferred gender. |
Jason and the Golden Fleece. Illustration by Anne and Janet Grahame Johnstone.
Greek myths were chock-full of magic items, most of them made by the gods; and with a few exceptions, most of the humans who meddled with them came to a bad end. Take the tale of Jason and the Golden Fleece. It’s a very long and involved one, but the gist goes like this.
Disinherited Greek prince Jason, wishing to reclaim his father’s throne from his usurping uncle, agrees to take the Golden Fleece from King Aeëtes, not knowing the enormity of the task means certain death. (The fleece is that of the magic flying ram Chrysomallos, who carried the twins Phrixus and Helle to safety on his back.) Medea, King Aeëtes’ sorceress daughter, takes a shine to Jason courtesy of Aphrodite, the goddess of love, and agrees to help him. After several impossible trials set by Aeëtes — plowing a field with fire-breathing bulls, sowing dragon’s teeth, and defeating the warriors who grow from said teeth — Medea brews a potion to put the ever-wakeful serpent/dragon guard of the fleece to sleep. The two then grab the prize and flee so Jason can reclaim his throne.
The longer tale is told in the 1963 movie Jason and the Argonauts featuring special effects by Ray Harryhausen, a stop-action animation pioneer; it’s still entertaining to this day.
But, pride goeth before a fall, and when reality hits Jason decides to upgrade to a younger wife who is heir to the kingdom of Corinth, a much richer kingdom. Medea then curses him, kills the children they had together, and flies off in a chariot drawn by dragons. So even in this brief excerpt we have fleece from a flying ram, fire-protection ointment, warrior-growing teeth, sleeping potion, and dragon-pulled chariot, none of which gave Jason or Medea much happy-ever-after.
Other magical items from Greek myth include Pandora’s Box, which held all the sorrows of mankind, Eros’ arrows which made mortals fall in love, Hades’ cap of invisibility, and the Aegis of Athena with the gorgon’s head that turns men into stone.
For ordinary citizens, magic was a part of life, but seen as something unseemly, risky, and dangerous. Those suspected of magic use were well-patronized, but also shunned. Common folk paid to have blessing and curse tablets inscribed and philtra — love potions — created amongst many other concoctions, some purportedly deadly. Amulets were also popular for both protection and to draw a certain kind of luck.
If you’re setting a campaign in Ancient Greece, here’s some randomgenned magic items that may be of use.
| Axe of Hecate: Hecate is the Greek goddess of night and witchcraft, so this double-headed war axe, or labrys, strikes at +1 against good-aligned beings.
Cymbals of Artemis: Used by priestesses in magical rites in which only young women participate, these induce in them an uncontrollable urge to dance when combined with other instruments like the pipes or cithera. By themselves, the cymbals have no effect. Earrings of the Icthyocentaur: These dangling earrings made of pearl and shell let the wearer transform at will into an icthyocentaur, a humanoid water being who is a hippocampus from the waist down. They gain the ability to breathe under water and swim in their new form. Foam of Tethys: Contained in an ornate glass bottle, this white, frothy substance is from the first ocean that was ever created. It can be used as a component in marine-oriented spells. The Four Humours of Eros: Eros is the personification of Love, or Cupid, in Greek mythology. He is portrayed as handsome youth with a bow and arrows. This set of four potions comes in a wooden bracket. They are colored, red, white, yellow, and black, each corresponding to the essence of the sanguine, phlegmatic, angry, and melancholy temperaments. Eros dips his arrow in them to make people he shoots fall out of love. The red causes the victim to fall in love with another; the white, to become distant and indifferent; the yellow, jealous and angry; and the black, depressed and full of unworthiness. Loincloth of the Persuasive Playwright: When this undergarment is worn by a writer, they gain a 75% chance of having their next play underwritten and performed, no matter what its quality. Polydeuces’ Iron Talisman: Bestows the skills of a Greek boxer on the possessor. Poppies of Charon: A beautiful red flower that grows in the depths of the Grecian Underworld. To smell it once is to fall into a deep coma that lasts for many days; take a deeper sniff, and one dies. Used as an ingredient in death and sleep spells. Serpent Bread: A magical bread baked in the form of a snake. When a piece is eaten, it lets the person understand the language of any kind of snake or monster that has a snake component. Spell-storing Wristcuff of Apollo: A beautiful golden cuff said to have been created by the god himself. It stores a maximum of 12 different spells relating to light, music, archery, healing, and poetry. Only good beings, or clerics of Apollo, can wear the cuff. It will seriously burn any others who try to put it on. Spindle of Darkness: This magical spindle lets the user give darkness and shadow a physical form and spin it into a wool-like thread, which can be woven and used to make magical garments such as a Cape of Shadow. The “wool” is always midnight black and never fades. Thalassa’s Mythic Tonic: Induces a longing for the Sea in the drinker. If they are a sailor or explorer, they will want to immediately set sail no matter where they are. If they have never seen the sea they will begin asking questions and want to go there, leaving off what they are doing. |
This timely and thought-provoking deconstruction of the Dragonriders of Pern series by silveradept.
True identity of the stick-carrying man on the Led Zeppelin IV album cover discovered.
Imaginary books about the imaginary Hyperdimensional universe.
The many varieties of domestic peacock.
Political commentary from historian Heather Cox Richardson.
One of the more oddball Greek myths I am fascinated with is that of Zeus and Ganymede. It’s NSFW so buckle up, and like most Greek myths, differs according to who tells it. Basically, Ganymede was a comely youth who caught the eye of Zeus so Zeus kidnapped him in the form of an eagle, or sent his pet eagle, and carried him off to Olympus, where he served as Zeus’s cupbearer, ousting the maiden Hebe who had previously held the job. The NSFW aspect is that Zeus may have wanted Ganymede for more than holding his cup, it may have been for some man-boy carnal pleasure. Somewhat out of character for Zeus, who usually pursued women and nymphs. But it made for many fine classic art pictures in the 18th and 19th centuries.
Whether the painters and their patrons were aware of this aspect, who knows?
I decided to put a spin on it by altering another cheesy classic art picture, Walter Crane’s The Roll of Fate, and putting it through the Midjourney grinder. After many unholy mashups of eagle, Zeus, and youth, I came up with the fine one above, and the finer one below. The top shows Zeus’s pet eagle standing guard and the bottom, Zeus transforming out of his eagle disguise — note the wings. Both show him accepting, rather tenderly, an oversized cup/chalice. Perhaps too oversized, but hey, he’s a god, with hearty appetites.
Ganymede, for his part, looks slightly traumatized in both paintings. In the second one, he’s like, “Whatever you say, Zeus.”
by Gene Luen Yang
First Second Books, 2006
American Born Chinese is a graphic novel about the experience of Asian Americans trying to come to terms with their heritage in mainstream American society. It was published in 2006, so it’s a few years short of its much-deserved twentieth anniversary –- it’s still in print. It’s even inspired a series on Disney+ which has many of the same actors from Everything Everywhere All at Once, the much-acclaimed multiverse movie released in 2021.
Despite the simplicity of its artwork, the novel is rich and complex. It intertwines three different stories: the realistic everyday one of Jin Wang, a teenage boy born in the US to Chinese-born parents who moves to a new area – and school — where he finds himself a Asian; the Chinese folk tale of Monkey, whose ambitions, and his achievement of them, don’t negate the fact he remains a monkey in a world of human gods; and Chin-Kee, a sort of cartoon superhero who takes the form of a stereotypical Chinese, buck teeth, yellow skin and everything, whose superhero is disturbing gringos. In a sort of magic realism, Chin-Kee is the cousin of Danny, a typical American white boy, and causes him much embarrassment at school. And yes, the Chin-Kee pun is deliberate by the author.
I’ve pretty much defined the whole tale in the above description. Jin’s attempts to fit in include having a crush on a white girl (who crushes on him back), perming his hair to resemble that of a white classmate, and betraying a loyal friend, a fellow Asian boy, badly. These are all efforts by him to refute his real self. At the same time in the folklore world, Monkey takes on feat after feat, only to be told by the Supreme God himself he can’t become what he isn’t – a flea-bit, hairy monkey – and buried beneath a mountain until he learns humility by helping a holy man on his journey to the west.
Gene Luen Yang, Illustration for American Born Chinese
When Jin is informed by the white jock he admires that he is not to date his white girl crush anymore, his anger is so grow he transforms into… Danny, the white boy so haunted by the antics of Chin-Kee. This leads to a climactic showdown where the loose ends are tied up in mythic fashion.
I loved this story, even though the characters are foreign to me (I’m adult, white, and female.) It was perhaps a bit too obscure in places. The finale left me scratching my head, though that may be because I was so engrossed I rushed through it. But in the end, it is clear Jin has reconciled with who he was and who he is, and receives a hint of who he may be.
A five star read and recommended.
