Moroccan flair
Rolling Stone: Life and Death of Brian Jones, a documentary about Rolling Stones guitarists and founder Brian Jones and how and why he may have died. Hint: It was murder, and it was covered up by the police.
Youtube livestreams of airport arrivals and departures. My favorites are London Heathrow and LAX.
Nirvana and the Grunge era. Was Kurt Cobain the Brian Jones of the 1990s?
Hopchi.
“Your penis is actually this long? Count me in.”
What would you name your Romantasy novel if you wrote one? One of these titles maybe.
| These Gentle Ecstasies
A Blindness so Blessed That Lunar Divination Enslavements so Unholy That Dauntless Advantage Attractions so Unwanted A Softness of Vertigo Fragile Scirrocos |
To Capture Invisibility
Shadows so Brittle The Lights of Valiance To Call an Opaline Fury Wayward Azimuths In Search of Defense and Destiny A Case of Indulgent Shadows Canticles of Mystic Memory |
by Jenna Wolfhart
Self-published, 2022
This was the second of the Romantasy books I read.
The book starts off similar to a YA novel: “I’d been born to fulfill a promise to the fae king. It was an ancient promise, bound in powerful magic. I was sworn to serve his every need, smile and laugh at his jokes, be silent when commanded, and offer myself up as his next mortal bride.
Instead of all that, I leapt into a chasm where monsters lived.”
Wow, who can resist that?
The novel then starts in media res, first person present tense, as the FMC, Tessa, mines gemstones from the side of said chasm with her best friend Val for “a rebel leader.” Mixed in with this labor is a very confusing backstory about her, and her village’s, present circumstances: humans live under the thumb of the fae of The Kingdom of Light (is that the same place tokusatsu hero Ultraman lives?) who, since they saved the humans from the armies of the Kingdom of Mist, treat as combination serfs and brood mares, since the war rendered the fae women sterile. The Kingdom of Light is sealed off from the rest of the world with magic, the chasm, and a wall of mist where monsters are said to dwell. Though the humans are granted long lifespans and healing powers they live in a gilded cage of sorts, subject to rages and propaganda from the Light King about the wickedness of the opposing empire. The name of this Kim Jung-On-like nasty? OBERON! Ta-da!
Which might have amusing if the story had any parallels to A Midsummer Night’s Dream, but it didn’t. How uncreative can a writer be to crib a fae name that’s so obvious and done to death?
Unfortunately King Oberon bumps into the FMC as she is leaving the chasm, takes her gems, and glints and preens wickedly at her showing off just what a baddy he is, and though it’s fun, it goes on and on until I felt like saying, “Ohhh-kay, Captain Obvious, we get it, you’re bad. Let’s get on with things, all right?”
He comes back into the story later when it’s revealed he will be taking a fresh human wife (remember the fae women are sterile) to give him more heirs, and that wife will be… Tessa! Because he’s a baddie and wants to toy with her some more. The book goes on and on, again broadly and unsubtly, that marriage to the fae king is a fate worth worse than death, that though living in luxury she will be brainwashed with magic, unable to speak unless spoken to, and saddled with impossible restrictions, eventually being discarded to “The Tower of Crones” when the king tires of her.
The story might have been saved at this point for me if it continued with Tessa’s marriage and how she resists and eventually rebels; harem stories are a secret favorite of mine. Surely all the setup for this leeringly evil and decadent court was for them to be eventually defeated and punished from within? But instead she’s busted out by the rebel leader she’s been helping, for unclear reasons, and spirited away to join him in the mists. And… he turns out to be the evil King of the Mist! Except he’s not, he’s a nice, normal guy who’s been unfairly maligned by the real villain. But Tessa doesn’t think so and so a game of “enemies to lovers” begins.
Which is rather stupid and tiresome, as the reader can clearly see Mist King isn’t a bad guy, because his first-person chapters alternate with Tessa’s. Which makes Tessa come across as dim for holding on to her prejudices, as there’s absolutely nothing to back them up. A bad choice by the writer; it would have been better to stick to Tessa’s POV and make the love interest more ambiguous.
I stopped reading at that point as it seemed they would be doing nothing but running around in the mists from then on which, let’s face it, is boring no matter how many monsters there are.
This writer, again, feels like she’s pulling inspiration from A Court of Thorns and Roses as well as the Grisha YA series by Leigh Bardugo which has a kingdom separated from the world by a misty wall. This isn’t bad in itself, but since nothing else about the characters, prose, or setting was outstanding or original, the sources that were cribbed tend to stick out.
As with An Heir Comes to Rise, which I reviewed here, there were anachronistic boners, such as this speech Tessa gives to her royal husband-to-be: “The only thing I see when I look at your castle is gaudy wealth. You’re showing off. Probably to overcome an inferiority complex or something pathetic like that.” Then there’s “a muscled fae with a buzz cut appeared.” (Do they have electric shavers in this Medieval world?) There were more, but I didn’t bother to bookmark them. I do give the writer props, though, for (mostly) avoiding the Maasian “male.”
In the end, the book felt cookie-cutter and like the writer was merely checking story elements off on a list. There wasn’t any real passion or novelty in it. I checked the writer’s webpage, and so far she’s written around 94 (!) self-published books, mostly in series, starting with urban fantasy romance years ago, then magic school fantasy, and so forth through all the popular money-making genres, until Fae Court Romantasy began a few years ago. I salute her business model and sheer moxie, but, still, the product isn’t great. I can’t call it bad, because it’s acceptable to a certain audience and the fact it’s still around means that it sells. But it’s dull.
by C. C. Penaranda
Lumarias Press, 2021
This book was one of a bundle I got for free – five romantic fantasies, all of them self-published, clearly some sort of cooperative deal between the authors — it was advertised on the r/fantasyromace subreddit.They all seemed typical of what’s available these days so I thought I’d read one.
Cover-wise, the books all looked good, though the art didn’t have the spark and individualism of professionally published book covers. The blurbs, too, were competently written. But in the end it all comes down to how well the first pages grab a reader. This is the primary skill a novel writer needs, and if they can’t do that, they will never be successful.
 |
A SWORD . . .
In the impoverished outer town of a kingdom where fae outrank humans, Faythe, an orphan with a talent for swordplay, knows the importance of keeping her head down around the fae patrol. She and best friend Jakon long for a better life, and her desire to swing her sword in combat may bring the purpose and coin she’s yearned for. |
 |
Par for the course. I can’t fault it.
But what got me reading this book was the first 2,000 or so words, which were genial, undemanding, and hooked me with the characters. Rather the interaction between the young adult characters, who were all friends and related to each other in a natural way. Plus, the world was intriguing. Fae rule the city the humans live in, but a growing conflict with another kingdom has them all on alert for spies and treachery. Humans are the lower class of this world and thus tempted to betray their Fae rulers by passing along strategic information to the enemies. Not a bad setup.
It’s also revealed the main female character (FMC in Romantasy parlance) has the ability to Nightwalk, which means entering others’ minds in her sleep and reviewing their memories as they dream. She thinks it’s merely nightmares, until a being she meets in this state informs her otherwise. Only the fae can Nightwalk, which they mainly use for nefarious doings, so having this ability is alarming to her. Later, in real life, she meets the being who informed her. He’s a Fae Lord, a Captain of their city guard, and his name is Nik. He wants to teach her how to control her powers.
(The story began to lose me there. I mean, a Fae named Nik?)
Nevertheless the setup was promising so I continued for about 40% of the book.
The writing wasn’t great. There were plenty of questionable word choices, like “burning inferno” “The tempo finally slowed, coming to its final chapter” (this was describing music) and “she picked at an apple to keep her stomach at bay.” The prose was serviceable but didn’t sing.
As with many YA and NA fantasies the setting was lip service. The characters have jobs they must get to, like normal folk; they have apartment-hovels with kitchen counters, like normal folk. They are not worried about where their food or clothing is coming from. Gowns are easily available in this impoverished town, as are books. The FMC even has a pocket watch, which would be a precious commodity in a 14th century world like this. There’s another bit where her best friend casually buys her a custom-made fine sword for her birthday, which would be another extreme rarity and out of reach for peasants. Not only that, modern words and phrases were used freely: “dancing the tango” “as if she were a planet and it was her stratosphere” “male-ego dominance bullshit.” The fantasy writer in me expecting verisimilitude cringed.
(Humans are supposed to be under the boots of the fae here, yet the fae allow them to make weapons and practice swordplay, a handy recipe for armed rebellion. What kind of evil overlords do that?)
The writer also had a problem describing things with any kind of originality. Hunky Fae Nik was described as tall and broad with short black hair and green eyes. I mean, he’s an alien being, a fae. Surely there’s something about him that’s different from a human man, however graceful and handsome? The author barely gave him pointy ears.
This kind of minimal description seems very fanfic-like to me, like the author knows readers have likely devoured dozens of fae books before so she doesn’t bother to go into fine detail or the touches that would make her particular brand of fae stick out. It’s lazy writing. A lot of the other details struck me in the same way. There was nothing original about them, like the author was parroting character descriptions gleaned elsewhere… an elsewhere most likely the mega-popular A Court of Thorns of Roses series. She even copied the extremely annoying habit of describing the fae men as “males.”
Another equally annoying habit was spelling out the FMC’s mental state at every turn, as if the reader couldn’t grok to it themselves from the events of the books. “Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions” “Her heart beat a wild frenzy as desire pooled at her core” “looked to him wide-eyed while her mind reeled”. Panic rises, nerves rattle, hearts crack. This was a large part of why I stopped reading; I got tired of being spoon-fed.
Other times the writing soared off into overwritten heaven: “Forced to tune in to the monotone voices of pompous fae nobles, Nik’s eyes strained against the weight of boredom.” Plus points for the anachronism of tune in.
The setup was done well enough that I continued to read. But after many chapters, almost half of the book, the plot wasn’t going anywhere. The FMC hangs around, thinks about her deceased mother, has lessons from Nik in an enchanted forest, is alternately confused, defiant, and sorrowful, and there’s no goal or conflict or anything driving her. When, for no reason, she takes up a friend’s offer to compete in sword fights for money in the basement of a local inn, I left off. The good things in the book didn’t balance out the flaws anymore.
So, as a first impression, it was less than awesome.
The Fight Between Hercules and Antaeus, from the Gallery of Apollon, the Louvre, Paris
Authentic-sounding (NOT actually authentic, I want to make clear if you’re writing fact-based historical fiction) Greek names for men are just as easy to generate as those for women. And to accompany them, here’s a painting of the most manly man in Greek myth of all — Heracles! He’s pictured in his struggle against a giant named Antaeus, who draws his strength from the Earth. Therefore, usually dimwitted Heracles makes a smart move — he crushes him in a wrestling hold so his feet can’t touch the ground. Thereby, Antaeus is vanquished.
This is a fun painting, not only for exaggerated musculature of both men but for the ho-yay aspects, and how Heracles’ tiny head glares in sheer determination at his foe.
Peruse the list, and choose your fancy.
| Aephos
Aepius Andrio Beias Cleodeuces Cloeus Diomnon Drethaesnon Duissus Gletos Haspoeaius Epeus Euplos Euraem Ialstro Lenethias Mnatem Mnippus |
Omos
Ormus Ostromis Pengiades Phiasos Phlaemos Plaegrus Plegros Plenobus Sceptros Sculsos Senelophus Strilthetas Thruses Traecius Ucleus Ucillos Xeusphas |
AI Art
I had to include these outtakes from my Wizard of Love series. They’re hilarious!
AI Art
Since it’s Valentine’s day, I thought I’d do a list of spells and magical items related to love, or its lack. Caution, a few of these are NSFW!
The fellow above is from Starry AI’s “pinup” art filter. The prompt was a variation of “bearded wizard with arms raised, a cloud of valentine candy hearts, Arabian Nights, fantasy” which gave me unsatisfactory results in every non-Midjourney program I had save for this pic, which looks like an old-fashioned valentine printed on a card. Not exactly Arabian Knights, but Turkish and I guess that’s good enough. He’s a Turkish Love Wizard! With a box of baklava.
| Staff of the Marriage Broker: Used to determine a future couple’s marriage success. Typically used in societies where the youth’s marriages are controlled by their families. Anyone with magical ability can wield it. They work in various ways, but the two young people must be present. The mage will typically touch each one on the head and then plant the staff between them. The first quality to be tested is compatibility: common values, temperaments, experiences, etc. The tip will glow green for high compatibility (basically best friends), amber for neutral, and red for indifference or hate. Next to be tested is physical attraction and passion, which is a white light whose strength ranges from blinding to barely there depending on the strength of these qualities. Every society has its own idea of what the “proper” measurements may be, but no parent wants a marriage for their child with no passion where they will fight like cats and dogs.
The Staff of the Marriage Arranger is an enhanced version for wealthy or noble families. In addition to compatibility and passion, the staff tests fertility and health, blinking the number of children the couple can expect to have. Note that it only tests the young people as they are at the present; one using birth control, for example, will show up as infertile. The staff can also be programmed with a specific person’s profile so the mage can search far and wide for the perfect mate for them, which is often necessary with royal offspring. Gloves of Ecstasy: The wearer of these magic gloves induces unbearable arousal to their sexual partner every time they are touched, acting like a temporary mind control spell. They are usually made of soft, fine silk or suede. Trousers of the Love Missile: These cursed trousers only work on males. They make the wearer experience an erection at the most inopportune times. Beads of Cupid’s Entrance: Basically, a set of magic anal beads. Those taking in the beads experience such ecstasy their Intelligence and Wisdom are lowered by 5 points, while their Charisma, in the eyes of those using the beads on them, is raised by 5. They are most often carved from luxurious materials like jade or marble. Reverse Attraction: When cast, it changes the sexual attraction the target feels for another into indifference. Virgin Mate: Change’s one sexual partner back into a physical virgin. Kaleidoscopic Heart: This spell causes the target to keep changing their mind about who they love. Extend Chaste Relationship: In the midst of adventuring, a platonic relationship often grows into a sexual one. But it isn’t always feasible to pursue one due to the dangers of the quest. This spell cools the sexual attraction for a set period of time while preserving that friendship. Siren Love Song: A powerful spell that gives the caster’s voice the power of a Siren’s regarding love and sexual attraction. Heedless Love: The recipient will fall in love with a completely inappropriate partner. The duration of the infatuation depends on the mage’s level. Scroll of the Clear-eyed Mate: This magic scroll contains a list of questions that the reader’s husband or wife-to-be must answer completely and truthfully. It only works on the intended spouse, and no other. The spouse doesn’t have to be willing to answer but when the user starts to read aloud, the spell on them begins. The AD&D equivalent of a prenup. It is made up especially for each user. Swing of Welcoming Engagements: A decorative swing hung from a tree laden with soft cushions and big enough for two. A humanoid sitting in it, swinging gently, is guaranteed to a attract flirtatious intention no matter their looks or age. Jealous Bastard: Instills uncontrollable jealousy in a being over their lover or spouse. The female version is Jealous Bitch. Sweet Voice of Cupid: A cantrip that instills a feeling of well-being in the target, making them open to finding someone to love. Treatise on Draconian Mating: This book contains information about the sexual and reproductive behavior of various dragon species. It is not magical, but contains useful information. |
The wizard of love
Since we’re nearing Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about… Romantasy.
As implied by the name it’s a mashup of Romance + Fantasy, a subgenre exemplified, perhaps platonically, by Sarah J. Maas’s A Court of Thorns and Roses series, whose eponymously named first book came out in 2015. Marketed as YA, the fantasy novel was about a human girl’s entrapment in the land of the Fae where she grows to love the High Fae Lord who had kidnapped her. This wasn’t all that happened in the plot. There were adventures, a touch of horror, and family drama as well. But over the years it and its sequels began to be known more for its sensationalized romance and “spice” — niche parlance for sexual heat and explicitness — than its fantasy aspects.
Women of Hades (AI art)
I covered Greek female names before on this site, in this post about female centaurs. For that I drew on actual, lesser-known names from the myths of Ancient Greece. But since I had researched so much for that, how difficult would be to generate some in a completely random way?
So, you need a Greek girlie? Here you go. Caveat: these may mean something in ancient Greek that you hadn’t intended, or be complete nonsense, so not suggested for historical fiction.
Word about the AI art above: I was going for a bunch of Greek women lounging about the Underworld with Hades. Hades isn’t in this pic, but the women are clearly suffering from the darkness, hence their fascination with the lanterns, and the main one, on the right, looks more than a little mad from the ordeal.
| Aetherpe
Aiglamena Astriope Bysephe Calypthera Cirta Clydae Clydice Clypheis Clypsohyda Clythia Clythoe Deisce Didea Dodice Eogeria Erysphe Eucrethea Eudicle Euphillina Euribis Hysthera |
Iolippe
Iomne Isto Leupia Mespra Menede Nephta Oepene Oephidra Oethrys Olythera Ospoea Pheraeste Perdea Psalaphone Rithoe Scyrithera Sippilyte Strybethe Thendippe Thermatrece Timplaea |
