Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/10/24: Greek Islands

“It’s over there, dummy. Just look. Look! Follow my hand…”
Athena Appearing to Odysseus to Reveal the Island of Ithaca, Giuseppe Bottani

There are over 6,000 islands in the nation of present day Greece, and to the ancient Greeks they must have seemed many times this number. Their entire world was made of islands, and the sea. From myth we know know the prominent ones, like Lesbos, Naxos, Aenea (home of Circe), Ogygia (home of Calypso), Delos, and Crete. The island of Ithaca was home to the hero Odysseus, whose story was told in The Odyssey. In present times, it’s also the name of a city in New York state that hosts Cornell University.  Undoubtedly, there were many more named islands which have vanished into time.

Need to create a Greek island of your own? Here’s a made-up list.

 

Undiscovered Greek Islands

Arisnaea

Drianos

Eoplene

Eoskoia

Exara

Gleona

Hepeus

Kaias

Lenethia

Mnatem

Memripios

Netemgera

Nithoe

Oeclos

Ostunisi

 Pasteos

Phiasos

Pthadros

Pyrenus

Skeites

Skoete

Strybae

Stusura

Telephene

Thruses

Thrymna

Tsupos

Uelas

Xippus

Zene

Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/3/24: Best of Twittersnips 2023 (Magic Items)

Pocket Bath

My favorite Twittersnip magic items of the 2023.

 

2023 Magic Items (Best of)

Basket of Adoration: Whatever is put into this large woven basket elicits oohs and aahhs of admiration from viewers, and if it is a living being, the desire to nurture and protect it… no matter what sort of creature it is.

Below the Belt with the Belt of True Agony

Belt of True Agony: When a male character wears this, any unarmored blow (that is, a hit with bare flesh) hits them “below the belt” – in the groin. The belt cannot be removed except with a curse neutralizer.

Book Brazier: This cursed item compels the owner to burn their own books in it, and when their own books are gone, they will steal other’s books to burn as well.

Brylan’s Undead Tonic: The drinker believes they have become a zombie, even if others tell them otherwise.

Effect of drinking a Celidway’s Essence potion

Celidway’s Essence: This bright green, glittering potion makes beautiful flowers appear in the drinker’s hair, adding to their charisma, especially towards fairy-kin.

Draconic Divination: Not an item or spell per se, but a method for mages to forecast the future with 75% accuracy by using a set of polished dragon scales procured from around the creature’s eye ridges. It takes several months to learn this skill.

Girdle of the Leopard Queen: For females only. Increases Charisma, Comeliness, and Dexterity by 5 points each when it is worn.

Grillian’s Buffing Poultice:  Used on edged weapons, this creates such a fine, sharp edge the weapon’s damage is increased by +2 for the next few days. It is found in a small tin.

Helm of The Mastiff: In the shape of a fierce, ugly dog, this helm grants the wearer +2 on regular attacks, +4 against feline attacks, and unlimited tenacity and courage.

Helm of the Mountain Goat

Helm of the Mountain Goat: +1 helmet that gives the wearer an extra butting attack with their head once per round.

Horns of The Maiden Moon: This silver weapon is shaped like the curve of the crescent moon and is thrown like a boomerang. It has a +2 change of decapitating or cutting a limb/appendage off any male creature it hits. Female beings are immune to this effect but take edge damage. The weapon can only be wielded by females.

Lozenges of Celestial Patience: Used by clerics when they have to listen to a lot of long, boring confessions from members of their congregation.

Nevé’s Terrible Tankard: Holds whatever alcoholic beverage is put into it until the holder takes a sip. Then the liquid drains out through a surprise hole in the bottom.

Philtre of Whaleface: Makes the drinker’s face so fat and swollen they look like a whale for 12 hours.

Pocket Bath: A 1” white porcelain cube that expands into a fully functional bathroom with toilet, sink, and toiletry items.

Payob’s Glass Orb: The owner of this item gains 1) a sincere heart; 2) the desire to impart peace at all costs; and 3) a +1 to any weapon they use in enforcement of # 2. The orb affects even beings of evil alignments.

Ring of Dodging Artistic Expression: A cursed ring that eliminates an artist’s ability to create original art. Which means they can only make copies of other’s art.

Effect of a Ring of Slumbering Scales

Ring of Slumbering Scales: Lets the wearer cast a sleep spell on any creature that has natural scales: reptiles, pangolins, fish, certain demons, dragons, etc.

Shochart’s Villainous Blue Flask: This beautiful blue glass vial seems to contain a helpful magic potion. But when the owner goes to drink it, it explodes in their hand cutting them severely.

Sunstone of Burn Prevention: When held under the tongue, this small gemstone, which has been blessed by the Fire Gods, prevents first and second degree burns.

Sword of the Parakeet:

Ungeant of the Shipwright:  Soothes, heals, and revitalizes the hands of those who are building a boat, so that the boat is completed in 2/3 of the regular time and also worth twice as much due to the quality of the construction.

Violet Ledger of The Troll: Magic book that contains: 1) A natural history of trolls and troll species; 2) Spells for controlling trolls; 3) Spells for protection against trolls.

Wallily’s Fiery Golden Egg: The size of a sparrow’s egg and plated with pure gold. When placed amongst ripe ears of corn, it makes all the kernels explode into popcorn with a deafening noise. A field up to 100’ can be affected.

Wand of Androgyny: It will be impossible for others to guess the gender of the owner because they will appear both male and female. The caster can use the wand to disguise others as well.

Wand of the Wolf

Wand of The Wolf: Has three functions. 1) Summons and commands wolves. 2) Halts, slows, or speeds up werewolf transitions. 3) The owner can howl like a wolf.

Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/27/23: Best of Twittersnips 2023 (Spells)

 

The Silkcrust recipe makes even the harshest of barbarians want to eat a whole pie.

 

My favorite Twittersnip spells of the year.

 

2023 Spells

Aflen’s Loosen Whale: Makes a whale void its bowels in the middle of the ocean, releasing any ambergris (or other items) it might have held.

Astrological Negation: Nullifies, for a set period of time, the bad aspects of the recipient’s horoscope reading. (If they don’t believe in astrology, the spell has no effect.)

Blessing of the Sea Gods: This clerical spell alleviates seasickness for the duration of any waterborne journey.

Captivity posture spell in action

Captivity Posture: The target stops moving and assumes a position where they can be easily chained or bound by the caster.

Cloud of Calming: Clerical spell that enchants a passing cloud to calm and refresh whoever it passes over. The spell lasts as long as the cleric can see it.

Consecrate Cat: Many temples have problems with mice and other vermin. This cleric spell binds a domestic feline to the holy area to take care of this problem.

Create Sphere Of Equality: Within this 10’ sphere, the levels, abilities and stats of all the characters are added together, averaging them out, making them all equal.

Dated Curse: Used as an adjunct to a regular curse spell. Lets the caster date precisely when the curse will take place.

Desire for Purity: Usable only on clerics, this spell compels them to take up an ascetic lifestyle and live as a hermit in a place far from civilization.

Ecstasy of the Pen: A spell for those who hate copying written materials, such as monks or scribes. While the spell lasts, the writer finds the task the most fulfilling, fascinating, and sensual activity they have ever experienced.

Fraternity of Odors: Allows members of the same secret sect to recognize each other by smell.

Hammer of Dionysus: Anyone hit with this hammer will not be physically injured, but become extremely drunk – “hammered” by the Greek god so to speak.

Igraine’s Irritating Debate: Makes a friendly disagreement go on and on for hours when the speakers really should be doing something else.

Indomitable Maiden

Indomitable Maiden: When cast on a young woman of 25 or under, this spell adds +1 to strength, wisdom, and constitution for its duration.

Infantry Focus: Enables a magic-user to see through the eyes of a soldier on the frontlines. A battle spell.

Lying Armament: Makes the caster appear more heavily armed than they are, or less. For example, a dagger may have the illusion of a sword, and a battle axe might appear as a stick.

Mummyball: Usable only by high-level clerics, this spell compacts a mummy into a round form the size of a soccer ball, allowing them to be kicked down the street. Note any bare flesh hit by the ball will suffer from the mummy’s rotting touch.

Passive Freezing: Makes the target freeze to death through what seems like their own bad choices, like not taking warm clothing, foolishly walking into a blizzard, etc.

Ominous Dwarf

Ominous Dwarf: Gives an aura of foreboding and menace to any dwarven character, whether they ask for it or not. Will likely scare off attackers, but also potential allies.

Red Insanity of the Wizard: Only cast on magic-users, this horrible spell makes them use their most powerful and destructive spells on their friends and comrades.

Relive Labor: Usable only on females who have given birth, this terrible spell makes them re-experience all the physical pain of that birth in real time. The component is a piece of umbilicus cord from their child.

Scroll Strengthener: A high-level spell that grants any scroll a +10 against damage from normal (non-magical) elements.

Silkcrust: Makes a pie taste especially delicious. Those serving the pie will gain a temporary increase in charisma towards the eaters.

Thoughtful Mummy

Thoughtful Mummy: Mummies aren’t known for being very smart. This spell gives them  average intelligence and compels them to ponder weighty questions about the meaning of existence.

Thrystra’s Chatty Companion: Birds of the parrot family are very sensitive and need companionship to thrive. Under this spell, imaginary friends are generated for them with which they will interact happily.

Tomb of Positive Awareness: When cast on a burial place, windows are created that let in light and any visitors will reflect on the good deeds the deceased has done. This spell is permanent.

Transform Harpy Song: Harpies are known for luring humans to death with their hypnotic song. This spell changes that song to a silly ditty that will have everyone laughing at them.

Vital Mouse: Enchants a common mouse to have an AC of 0 and five times its hit points, making it very hard to kill for the duration of the spell.

Voyage of Loneliness

Voyage of Loneliness: This powerful spell enchants a whole ship, sending it off its course to the most remote and forsaken area of the body of water it’s on.

Wand Hunter: Lets the caster locate a wand of a certain type, specified as the spell is cast. The area searched increases with each level.

 

Merry Christmas!

AI-generated art.

 

Passing Obsessions 12-23

This short story about a near-future NYC.

Netflix’s Bad Surgeon: Love Under the Knife, about doctor and charlatan Paolo Macchiarini who implanted artificial tracheas in patients without adequate testing.

Forgotten mascots of the Christmas season. See my list of fictional ones.

Eigengrau and CEV.

Hairless dogs.

Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/20/23: German Christmas Cookies

 

German Springerle cookies featuring former Trump Press Secretary Sean Spicer, aka the guy who hid in the White House bushes. Of course it’s AI.

It’s not really Christmas unless you eat or bake some sort of traditional German cookie! Like Lebkuchen, better known to the English-speaking world as gingerbread. Pfeffernusses are also popular as well as Spritzgeback, those cookies you pipe through a cookie press to form decorative swirls. In the US they are called Spritzen or simply Spritz cookies. (Spritz is German for syringe.)

But for sheer hard work and exoticism, nothing beats Springerle. These cookies are made with a firm, claylike dough that is pressed into a wooden mold, which is then popped out onto a baking sheet. There is no leavening in them so they don’t rise with cooking. When baked, they are sweet and decorative, but also very hard; the kind of cookie that is made to impress (pardon the pun) at a fancy Kaffeeklache. The trick is in getting the dough just right and oiling and flouring the mold properly.

Traditional molds were hand-carved of wood, but in the early 1990s, when there was a craze for all sorts of time-intensive, difficult crafts, clay molds made a resurgence. I had one shaped like a tyrannosaurus rex and I NEVER got the damn thing to work right. One particular piece near his foot would never peel out properly, leaving him deformed. The manufacturers of the molds later retconned their use to include paper molding and other crafts, but the damage, at least to me, had been done. I didn’t attempt another Springerle type cookie until decades later.

The Springerles above feature an image of former Trump press secretary Sean Spicer, whose name I felt was appropriate for Christmas. His photo is to the left so you can gauge what a fine job Midjourney did with his likeness. He’s good enough to eat!

The randomgenned and randomtweaked cookies below are named in the Germanic style, and I like to think they’re delicious-sounding but impenetrable, and prone to surprising you with unexpected spiciness or hardness that can break a tooth.

 

German Christmas Cookies

Anis Frausutten

Bauenkungen

Drinzkipferln

Glauspritz mit Kaffee  

Guskinzels   

Haselnuss Sprungnik

Kleineschnekken

Kokoknopfs

Kringlespritz

 Muncheskuchen   

Pfefferings

Pomsterne   

Schokolade Kinderkugels

Smekerle

Sprungizst Brötchen

Vogenbrot

Zagschittel   

Zuchertinzels

 

Crown of Starlight (Chapter One) [Review]

Crown of Starlight
(Chapter One)

by Cait Corrain

Everybody’s been talking lately about the publishing scandal involving debut author Cait Corrain and her fantasy novel Crown of Starlight, so I thought I’d put in my opinion.

The whole story is here and tells it more eloquently and completely than I can, but the gist is this: Corrain created several (some accounts say nine) sockpuppet** accounts on Goodreads.com, and used them to give one and two star reviews to certain other fantasy authors, and higher star ratings to her own book. This is before her book had even come out, or even any ARC (advanced reader’s copies) of it. To make things more controversial, the low ratings were given to BIPOC ones, and some of the sockpuppet accounts had minority-sounding names. And not only that, some of those targeted authors had books coming out by the same publisher as Corrain or were also repped by her agent.

Continue reading

Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/13/23: Species of Santa

An old hand-colored photo of Santa Claus in Czarist Russia – NOT. (AI generated)

Santa Claus is a European invention, and the idea of Santa wearing a red suit with white trim, black boots, and a stocking cap, an American one. Courtesy of the Coca-Cola company which costumed him such to match the red in their company logo, which was for an ad campaign. But even so, the same outfit and character, in different places around the world, takes on some of its local color. Like here. (Entirely fictional and generated by AI, but it’s fun.)

 

Different kinds of Santas

Botswana: Santa travels around with a small brown pony and tells children enrapturing stories.

Mongolia: Santa stuffs his jacket to obtain a proper paunch and wears a white fur hat. The fleecy details on his costume are made of uncombed goat’s fleece.

Easter Island: Santa doesn’t come here, but one of the statues is dressed up as Santa.

Venezuela: Santa parades through the streets spreading cheer and occasionally sits down on a chair in the middle of the avenue, stopping traffic.

Samoa: Santa wears red shorts and walks around barefoot. He wears a scarf of tropical greenery and gives people rides on his back.

Japan: Santa writes children’s names in sumi-e style and gives it to them as a gift. He is much older than the usual Santa, looking to be in his 90s.

New Delhi, India: Santa travels around in a wheelchair accompanied by a dwarf wearing a Sihk turban, whose cheeks he pinches.

Hunan Province, China: Santa’s coat is red and embroidered with traditional Chinese designs in gold thread. He wears glasses and his beard is very long. Underneath the coat he wears practical white sweatpants.

Antarctica, McMurdo Sound Station: Santa arrives in a raft accompanied by penguin chicks.  But it’s customary for everyone there to dress  up as Santa, really, and cavort around outside. (Christmas in Antarctica comes at the height of the summer season.)

 

AI and the Window to the Multiverse

 

This 1970s public library doesn’t exist.

One of the things that fascinates me about visual AI generations is how they allow one to peek into the multiverse.

Not the real multiverse, mind you. That hasn’t been proved to exist. But an illusion of a multiverse, with different products, people, animals and buildings, all skewed greatly or slightly from our own reality. A look into some alternate timeline where the death of a butterfly in the Cretaceous era (as in the Ray Bradbury short story “A Sound of Thunder”) drastically changes the world of the future.

Like this picture of a bizarre Christmas dish from some 1950s recipe booklet that never existed.

AI art by Reddit user frostyfoxdesign

Most of these images were done in the spirit of fun, in the vein of satire. That sort of thing’s been going on for ages in MAD magazine and kids’ products like Wacky Packages and Garbage Pail Kids. But AI gives such alt.world digressions such a stunning sense of realness (even though we know it isn’t real) we can’t help but be fooled, even if for a millisecond.

AI art by Reddit user ThatBombShit

These chips could be an actual flavor, given that Lays has created limited-edition chips in the past like BLT and Tikka Masala (the latter very good.) But they aren’t.

AI art by Reddit user POGO_BOY38

There could be a Gettysburg Lego set in the works for all we know. I mean, they’ve already done ikebana. (I know the text gives this one away.)

 

AI art by Reddit user cool_architect

This novelty record album of dogs barking in tune to songs by the Beatles was never recorded. Though if it was, it would have sold like hotcakes at the height of Beatlemania.

AI art by Reddit user ExoticAd8966

Hipster Harry Potter never stared up into the security camera of his workplace while defiantly smoking a cigar.

AI art by Reddit user AI-Whisperer

Somewhere a jeweler past or present has thought of making a piece of art like this. But no one did, until now, and it’s entirely imaginary.

AI Art by Reddit user Agent_Wolfe

A Thanksgiving parade from the 1960s captured in a faded color photograph with a crying baby spoiling the shot. Note that 1960s toys meant to be endearing back then are beginning to look bizarre to today’s tastes.

AI art by Reddit user Sullen_Sparrow

And finally, Link (of Legend of Zelda fame) appears on  a 1980s TV sitcom.

Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/6/23: Magic Spells of Ancient Greece

Spell tablets made of slate

Curse tablets were a cottage industry in ancient Greece. Spells embodying the caster’s desires were written on plaques of stone, clay, papyrus, wax, even thin sheets of gold. Then, to reach the gods, they were thrown into wells or buried with the dead (often without permission from the dead one’s next of kin.) It’s likely they may have been burnt, too, or even eaten. The Greeks were a pragmatic folk, so most of these were along the lines of cursing a rival in love or taking revenge on some business.

Some of the magicians who created these things mass produced them beforehand, leaving a blank space to fill in the caster’s name. For a gaming campaign, tablets are a somewhat clunky way to cast spells, so I’d feel free to ignore it.

The list of spells below was inspired by life in Greek cities like Athens and Thebes. Being as myth and the gods played such big roles in cultural life, I believe many spells would be named after them or inspired by them.

 

Magical Spells of Ancient Greece

Accursed Scholar: Inflicts the victim with a splitting migraine headache so they can’t study or do research.

Balm of Odysseus: Spell that soothes the recipient’s homesickness.

Broaden Shield-Wall Formation: A spell used on the battlefield. It’s cast on a group of hoplites to make them spread out while holding their shields in front of them. The opposite of it is Tighten Shield-Wall Formation.

Chisel Memory: When cast on a chisel, it will carve out the last picture or inscription made with it.

Delusion of Sappho: This spell, only cast on females, makes them think they have become a lesbian. If they already are, it has no effect.

Fiery Pyxis: Creates a mariner’s compass out of fire that will let a sailor of any skill level navigate across the sea.

Form Restoration: Restores the original form of any being turned into an animal or plant, or turned into an inanimate substance (like stone.) This powerful spell is one all Greek mages eventually learn, given how common shapechanging is in Greek myth.

Journey of Eros: A clerical spell that is read aloud to a couple being married and long enough to be prayer. It tells of love between two people and how that love should be maintained. At the end, the newly married receive a +1 in Wisdom that lasts for their honeymoon period.

Necropolis Messenger: Summons a shade from its tomb to deliver a simple message to another. Distance is no matter to the shade as it travels extradimensionally through the Underworld.

Oration Fasting: The finest Greek orators refrain from eating before their speeches because it improves their mental clarity and stamina. This spell enables them to do so without feeling hungry or deprived.

Orchard of Helios: When cast on a group of apple trees, this spell gives the illusion that the fruits are all made of gold.

Peace of Hypnos: Makes the recipient fall into a deep sleep. When they awake they are completely refreshed.

Persistent Lentils: When cast on a pot or bowl a cooked meal of lentils is sitting in, this spell continuously replenishes them for up to eight hours. In theory a whole army can fed from one pot.

Restore Greaves: Cleans, polishes, and refreshes any pair of greaves damaged in battle.

Voice of Poseidon: Amplifies the caster’s voice to sound as loud and booming as the sea god’s.

Wise Muse: Summons a calm, intelligent companion who will act as an inspiration to an artist, musician, or writer. The companion is always of the artist’s preferred gender.