Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/28/22: Best of Twittersnips 2022 (Spells)

Paper Avalanche spell in action

My favorite Twittersnip spells of the year!

 

2022 Spells


Alter Skeletal Alignment: Gives the effect of a visit to the chiropractor on any creature that has bones.

Arrow of the Mage: Not a physical arrow, but the dynamics of ‘shooting’ it are the same. Enables one mage to send a spell they know to another. Must have a clear line of sight with no impediments.

Befoul Bedpillow: How lovely is it to climb into bed and rest your head on a fresh, clean pillow? This spell deposits a fresh cat hairball in the center of the linen just as your enemy’s head will hit it.

Bittersweet Prospects: A complicated but powerful cleric spell that is similar to a curse. Ensures that the next good thing that is experienced by the victim is then matched by a bad experience of equal weight.

Blue Contemplation spell

Blue Contemplation: Any creature using magic will recover spells more quickly under this spell, which requires them to sit and meditate, alone, under an open sky.

Bookish Beast: Causes intelligent animal monsters to be suddenly interested in reading, no matter what else they have been doing.

Brief Shadow: One of the easiest first spells all mages learn. Creates a brief dark shape that slips by at the target’s edge of vision. Can be used as a distraction.

Bruetta’s Instant Lift: Caffeinates any beverage, giving it the effect of a double espresso.

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Masks of the Snow Queen, Part 2

One my first attempts at depicting The Snow Queen using AI engines. Her hair’s the wrong color, and I had to run the pic through a facial normalizing engine to fix her lips and eyes, but overall it’s a good representation.

Arienrhod’s Winter Hawk mask

In the opening chapter, prologue really, of The Snow Queen the reader is treated to a humdinger of a setup for the rest of the book. During the planet Tiamat’s masked festival/ball, a couple sneak away to have sex in one of the side rooms, where they fall asleep from drugged wine. Arienrhod, the Winter Queen, appears with an offworld doctor to implant one of her cloned embryos into the woman’s womb. This is the genesis of Moon Dawntreader Summer, the heroine of the book. The scene is sumptuously described, with the Queen wearing the elaborate mask of an Arctic bird of prey while the doctor wears an “absurd fantasy creature, part fish, part pure imagination.” The masks and festival set the stage for the cyclical nature of the this world’s rituals and their themes of change and renewal.

In human history, the concept of a masked ritual is an old and potent one dating back to the Stone Age. In donning the mask, the human identity is subsumed by another, usually a deity or some other elemental power. Even today indigenous societies perform these rites, which, in the New World, have been subsumed by, but also influenced, the rites of their colonizers. This is the marvelous genesis of the festival season of Carnival in Brazil, the Caribbean, and other Latin American nations. These elaborately costumed parades and balls are planned all year round and grew out of the invading Spaniards’ Catholicism, where they served as a last chance for freedom and partying before Ash Wednesday’s penitence and the austerities of Lent. It wouldn’t hurt to add that the Spaniard’s African and indigenous slaves added their own ideas of religious ritual. Thus, a true mestizo event was born.

Another Winter Hawk mask

Back in Europe, the same Catholic Carnival festivities also included the indignities of food fights, street parties, mock battles, cross-dressing, clowns and circus performances, and comedic presentations where everyday norms were mocked and turned upside-down and topsy-turvy. In this it has elements of the Roman feast of Saturnalia where slaves become masters, women become men, and what is grotesque or distasteful paraded openly. Basically, a time to let off societal steam.

(In the U.S. only New Orleans, settled by French Catholics, has held on to the Carnival tradition, as the country was founded by Protestant faiths.)

Vinge’s Mask Night festivities are based on the Brazilian and Venetian Carnival models, with her festival occurring at 25 (Earth year) intervals, making it a once in a generation event. The masks are prepared and stockpiled for all this time, as the cozy scenes with Fate Ravenglass, a blind sybil/maskmaker, demonstrate. At the culmination of Mask Night the masks are ripped off, then burned or otherwise destroyed, and the participants are considered reborn.

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Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/21/20: Christmas Cocktails

Bright and glittery Christmas cocktails (AI art)

The Yuletide season brings with it some traditional alcoholic drinks. Grog, mulled wine, hot toddys, wassail, and eggnog are but a few. There’s also lesser known ones, like rumpopo, which is a Mexican liquor equivalent to eggnog.

Of course there’s already drinks called The Naughty List and The Nice list, given the barkeeping world’s penchant for childish names with double entendres.

If you need one of your own, here’s a randomgenned list.

 

Christmas Cocktails

Russian Snowplow

Christmas Whippet

Burning Chimney

Alvin the Reindeer

Loco Ho-Ho

Blitzen’s Sneaky Stinger

Ice Peeler

Nutcracker Bombadier

Elf in a Fruitcake

Muddy Snowfort

 Tiny Tim’s Tickler

Rumble in the Snow

Krampus Nailer

Frosty Crawler

Snowman Melter

Scrooge Shooter

Santa’s Sucker

Frosty Tonsils

The Even Naughtier List

Snow Queen’s Stockings

 

Don’t Eat the Medusa Christmas Cookies…

Or this might happen to you!

…or, more terrifyingly, you may yourself turn into a Christmas cookie…

Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/14/22: Christmas Traditions Around the World

 

Christmas can be a pretty bizarre holiday, being as it’s conglomeration of pagan, Catholic, and secular traditions. In the Catalan region of Spain, for example, there’s the traditional of the Caga Tio, or shitting log, that is stuffed with presents and hit like a pinata on Christmas Eve until it gives them up. Related to this is the Nativity figurine known as the Caganer, or Pooper, who is depicted with their pants down about to do #2. Supposedly he conveys the idea that God’s call can come to anyone, anywhere, even while they’re taking a crap.

From Oaxaca, Mexico comes the Festival of the Radishes, which takes place on December 23rd. All year radishes are grown to enormous size and then carved into artistic creations which are displayed in the town square. After which, I hope, they simmer in bowls of hot pozole.

In the U.S. look no further than the department store Santa for a bizarre tradition. A typical one is seen in the 1983 movie A Christmas Story. There’s also humor writer David Sedaris’s account of his time spent as a Macy’s department store elf in his monologue The Santaland Diaries. A newer tradition is the Elf on the Shelf which, though it seems a relic of an earlier time by the concept and design, actually dates from 2005.

AI creations can’t hold a candle to anything like this in real life. But from randomly generated pictures  I came up with these.

 

Some could-be-real Christmas traditions from around the world

Poland:  Santa wears a black cossack hat and plays a drum shaped like a giant dog’s paw.

Mexico:  Effigies of Papa Noel (Santa Claus) are built out of chili peppers and the Christmas trees are dyed red.

Argentina:  Christmas trees are set up outside local shops and then set on fire.

South Africa: Termite mounds are dressed up as Santa and native dancers dressed as snowmen perform.

Vladivostok, Russia: Santa leads a pantomime camel decorated with Christmas lights through the streets.

The Australian Outback: Santa rides in an old wooden truck and a traditional Aboriginal feast is set up outside.

Basque Region, Spain:  A 10-foot high “Christmas Tower” resembling a giant ornament or UFO is constructed. It requires ten people inside to parade it through the streets accompanied by townspeople. A favorite attraction of the tourists.

Quebec, Canada:  A single “Mother Christmas” sings carols in front of the mayor’s mansion.

Walla Walla, Washington: Santa rides a miniature dirtbike into town with his helper. He fires off his hunting rifle at each house.

Taos, New Mexico: Dogs are dressed up as reindeer and Santa wears a Native American inspired costume.

 

Medusa Christmas Cookies

Heavy on the chocolate and glitter!

 

Worldbuilding Wednesday 12/7/22: Magic Spells of Ancient Egypt

As far as we know, most of the magic spells of ancient Egypt dealt with protecting the dead on their journey to the afterlife. Amulets were concealed in mummy wrappings and spell-prayers carved in hieroglyphics all around the tombs — on the walls, columns, even ceilings. These people took their afterlife very seriously.

As I said in my previous post, it’s logical that clerical powers and magic overlapped to a certain extent. Here’s a selection of spells that priests and mages both might have used.

 

Magic Spells of Ancient Egypt

Agility of Wadjet: Lets the caster dodge spells, blows, and missiles with the quickness of the cobra goddess Wadjet.

Animate Melon: This easy to learn, low-level spell lets the caster control the movement of a melon up to watermelon-size, making it roll, bounce, and sail through the air. Larger melons have a good chance of knocking a target out cold if it hits their head.

Dust Eclipse: A powerful spell that whips up dust from the desert and uses it to blot out the sun in the caster’s immediate area.

Embalm Fetid Corpse: It’s extremely unpleasant for mummifiers to work with a corpse that has begun to decay. This spell neutralizes the odors so their job is more pleasant.

Gather Ka: If any loose souls are in the area this spell will bring them together.

Grow Rushes: Makes rushes (water reeds) at a shore’s surface grow as tall as trees. The spell can be reversed to shrink them so they are no larger than blades of grass.

Halt Griffin: Stops griffins in their tracks as if an invisible wall has been placed before them.

Hammerwhistle: Makes a metalsmith’s hammer whistle every time it strikes a blow. Each whistle will attract an onlooker who will feel compelled to help the smith in some way.

Hands of Isis: This spell makes the caster’s hands unusually beautiful: shapely, graceful, and decorated with henna. It’s sure to add to a female character’s charisma.

Humiliation of Tawaret: Tawaret was the goddess of childbirth and was depicted as having the head of a hippopatomus. This spell was designed for female mages to cast on a rival, making the enemy gain three times their body weight in pure fat.

Hymn of Flight: When chanted, it lets the magic user fly through the air with the agility of a bird. If the chanting is interrupted, however, the user falls.

Mummify Perfume Cone: Perfume cones were worn by the Egyptian elite to scent themselves. Animal fat, most likely, was mixed with spices and scents and the whole worn on top of the head, often over a wig. As the cone melted in Egypt’s heat it scented the scalp of the wearer and conditioned their hair as well. But, being made of fat, the comes could not be mummified for the use of the dead in the usual way. This spell gets around the cone’s oily nature and preserves it for eternity.

Path of The Scarab: Scarabs were revered in Ancient Egypt because they rolled dung in a ball across the sand, like the way the sun travels in the sky. This spell has nothing to do with dung however. When cast, it will determine which direction the sun is currently traveling, even if it can’t be seen.

Protection of The High Priest: A bless spell that creates an invisible aura other priests or priestesses can sense and know who the recipient is protected by.

Quiet Underworld: A spell cast on the dead that ensures their passage to eternal life goes smoothly.

Set’s Summon Pimple: Creates an unsightly blemish on a foe’s face.

Skin of the Serpent: Covers the mage’s body with soft, supple scales all over which adds to their base defense against sunburn, sand blasting, insect stings, and chemical weapons that cause blisters or rashes.

 

Creepy Elves: Real or Fake?

I decided to have a little fun with my annual post on Christmas horror. Creepy-looking elves abound on the internet creating their own little Uncanny Valleys, and it’s just as easy for AI Art engines to make them as well, whether or not they were intended to be creepy. So I am trying an experiment. Below are a series of pictures, one is a real creepy elf, the other, a completely nonexistent one. Let’s see if you can tell the difference. (Answers after Read more)

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Masks of the Snow Queen, Part 1

The paperback edition that introduced me to the book

For many years my favorite science fiction novel was The Snow Queen by Joan D. Vinge. The book was a comfort read for me. I had read it so often I could quote it, and given a sentence or two from anywhere in the book, I could tell what came before, and what came after. It opened the 1980s with a bang. Although it won a Hugo and much praise, today it’s mostly forgotten. Which is a shame, because it had a humdinger of a concept and a huge cast of characters that would be perfect for a multi chapter series on Netflix or HBO, with CGI bringing the book’s wilder set pieces to life.

The plot is hard to describe, but here goes.

It’s space opera crossed with fairy tale, and much of the language has a lush, fairy tale feel. Basically, it takes after the Hans Christian Anderson story of the same name: two childhood sweethearts are separated after the boy gets a shard in his eye from a goblin’s shattered mirror and is lured away by the bewitching Snow Queen to be her companion. The girl sets off North to get him back, encountering many adventures along the way, and in time the two are reunited. The boy weeps, washing the cursed shard from his eye, and the couple, now adults and ready to marry, return home.

Vinge’s tale echoes that, but it’s also the story of the Snow Queen herself, who is the ruler of a cold planet called Tiamat that is mostly sea with a scattering of islands. Mers, immortal sea mammals, live there, and they are slaughtered for their blood which can be distilled into a drug to keep humans young. The drug is what makes Tiamat valuable to The Hegemony, an interstellar empire that exploits the planet for this resource. The Snow Queen, who also the drug, wishes to end their exploitation by cloning herself and passing the crown to her clone when her reign ends. You see, each Winter Queen gets to reign for only 150 years, and then the power is turned over to the Summer clan who choose a Summer Queen. At the end of another 150 years the planet cools again, ice and snow return, and so the does The Hegemony through the local black hole that is unstable during Tiamat’s long summer. A new Winter Queen is then chosen and gets to reign again, and the mer slaughter resumes.

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Worldbuilding Wednesday 11/30/22: Magic Items of Ancient Egypt

Some magical amulets of Ancient Egypt. (AI art)

Ancient Egypt, I’ve found, is so fascinating on its own that for fantasy writers and worldbuilders there isn’t a lot that needs to be created from scratch. The amulets above, for example, were created in about an hour using text prompts and various AI art generators. And ancient Egyptians did love their amulets. Any significant museum in the world will have a collection these. They were often wrapped up with mummies and magicked for different kinds of protection, but it’s likely they had other uses, as well.

A cursory reading on Ancient Egypt let me know what was important to these people: the rhythms of agriculture, the flooding of the Nile, the afterlife, the gods and goddesses. I think the ancient Egyptians believed they lived alongside the gods; they didn’t inhabit some far-away place like Olympus or Valhalla. Any magic-users among them would have been priests as well, or the priests would also have magic powers. The line between clerical and magic power would have been very blurred. Undead, demons, and devils would have been unknown to them. Only the Egyptian ruling elite, and priests, could read and write, so spellbooks would not be the norm, and as I said above, this would mean charms and amulets would be particularly important. Magic itself would be concerned with protecting the dead, ruling, crafting and building, and agriculture, and of course a few spells for self-defense or warfare.

 

Magical Items of Ancient Egypt

Amon’s Hearty Bellows: Ancient Egyptian metalsmiths worked with gold, iron, copper, and silver. These bellows, which feature a carving of the ram head of the god Amon on the handles, can quickly heat a forge hot enough to make the more advanced alloys of bronze, brass, and steel. In addition, the bellows protects the user from the flames and heat of the forge.

Cap of Pharaoh Snaaib: This simple head covering of woven reeds has several miraculous properties. 1) It confers maximum intelligence on the wearer and maximum wisdom; 2) allows the wearer to successfully brew any kind of non-magical healing herb tea; and 3) lets the wearer blind enemies by staring forcefully at them.

Heart of Neferku: This evil relic is the ruler’s actual mummified heart, stored in a painted clay jar. It is used to create such indolence, apathy, and lack of ambition in others that they have no defense against becoming the owner’s slaves.

Henna Hyena: This beast is drawn on a part of the magician’s body with henna and then enchanted. When commanded, it will leap out as a living beast under the mage’s control. If killed, it will vanish, but if not, it will go back to being a henna tattoo. The spell lasts as long as the henna inscription does. The hyena is strongest when freshly painted. Higher versions of the spell create a giant hyena and dire hyena.

Lunar Barque: An Egyptian boat, or barque, shaped like the quarter moon and gilded with silver. It can be used to travel through the sky.

Ra’s Whispering Smoke: This special incense, made with pine resin, myrrh, and ambergris, can be used to send messages over long distances. While it is burning, the user whispers a message into the smoke (no more than 50 characters) and visualizes the recipient; the smoke then flies away to wherever they are. The whispered message is delivered when the recipient smells the smoke. Note the spell is not 100% effective. Weather conditions, especially wind and rain, can affect it, and if the recipient cannot smell for some reason – e.g. they have a cold – the message cannot be delivered.

Ring of The Winged Anhk: This magic ring can be used to read the minds of others to find out their greatest desire, and also instill the love or favor of a certain person as the new primary desire of the victim. In other words, a forced love spell. The ring is carved from obsidian and set with gold panels. In one of these is the inlaid image of a winged anhk. On the inside of the ring are hieroglyphics that must be read to activate the love spell. If the writing is read backwards, love turns into hate, and the victim will stop at nothing to destroy the hapless object of their ire.

Scrollbeads: Each bead is the magically compacted form of a papyrus scroll. They are usually strung together on a necklace. In this way, a library’s worth of sacred knowledge can be easily transported on one person.

Shears of Sobek: These enchanted gold scissors sacred to the crocodile god can cut through crocodile hide with ease, enabling it to be made into shoes, bags, and other items.

Sidelock Fellowship: Young Egyptians wear their hair in a sidelock until they come of age. Cut off, enchanted, and preserved, the sidelock becomes a powerful magic item to give to a treasured friend. The two will be linked together until one of them dies, always knowing where the other is and how they are feeling. If the sidelock is destroyed or given away, the bond is broken.

Sistrum of The Vizier: While this magic instrument is played a petitioner’s request to the Pharaoh or Queen receives a higher chance of being granted. The chance depends on the player’s skill and choice of song, so it ranges between 20% to 90%. If the petitioner themselves plays the sistrum, no matter how badly, the chances begin at 50%. Several pharaohs have been dethroned by their ministers in this way.

Talon of Ammit: The Ammit is a creature of the Egyptian underworld that devours evil souls. She has the head of a crocodile, the forequarters of a lioness, and the back end of a hippopotamus. This finely crafted, bronze long knife acts as a  +2 blade with an extra chance of landing a killing blow – i.e., sending a soul to the underworld – with every strike. The blade of the knife is bronze and the handle inlaid with faience, gold, and turquoise.

Tooth of Shu: An amulet carved of a white, ivory-like substance that may or may not be an actual tooth of the Egyptian sky god, but it does allow the owner to levitate themselves and up to six other living creatures or once-living creatures, like mummies. Aerial travel is possible either vertically or horizontally, but not in curves or angles.

Volcanic Obelisk: Built of basalt, obsidian, or any other kind of volcanic stone, this structure stands at least 10’ high. It is carved with magic runes that heat it to the high temperature of lava just ejected from a volcano (2000 degrees F). It is often used to guard an area or thing. The obelisk can radiate heat continuously or be timed to a schedule; it can also be activated under specific circumstances, like someone touches it or the temperature falls below freezing.