Being born in the shadow of the Baby Boomers, the interests of my older siblings and cousins were a big influence on my life, particularly those most popular of the Hippy arts: psychedelia and astrology.

I read every astrology book I could get my little hands on, but decided the signs could do with some improvement. So I created my own Zodiac, of fourteen months not twelve, and my own set of signs, of which five were animal, four celestial phenomena, and the rest sinister objects. I even drew a set of cards with the signs depicted in gur-roovy acid trip rainbow colors, as was still common in the mid-1970s, but my gur-roovy style of lettering left much to be desired in the way of legibility, so I’m recreating them here, childish errors intact. (I created my own planets to go along with the signs because the nine in our solar system had already been claimed.)

WEXINOG THE WHALE Month: January Flower: Lily Stone: Emerald Animal: Whale Bird: Loon Fish: Angel fish Color: Green Ruling Planet: Cameiila You are highly lithe and athletic. Your Personallity [sic] will conflict between friends.

No comment.

CADIS THE CLOUD Month: February Flower: Dogwood Stone: Topaz Animal: Bison Bird: Robin Fish: Manta Color: Red-brown Ruling Planet: Lianna Born a Cadis you are truthful and fun-loving. You are very good at sports. Unfortunately you display your affection for people through violence.

Again, no comment.

UNI THE WINGED UNICORN Month: March Flower: Honeysuckle Stone: Spinel Animal: Dolphin Bird: Magpie Fish: Siamese fighting fish Color: Lilac Ruling Planet: Simoon Born a Uni you are a strong expressor [sic] of your rights. You are persistent. Unfortunately you are likely to be in bad health.

What a blow for people born in March.

(In an earlier version of this zodiac, the unicorn was an awkward fantasy creature I made up called a Clixnalon — a two-legged, bipedal antelope with feathered wings and a bird-of-paradise tail )

VISHINI THE VOLCANO Month: April Flower: Rose Stone: Ruby Animal: Lion Bird: Chicken Fish: Tuna Color: Red Ruling Planet: Coppercailie Born a Vishini you are tolerant and patient. You are friendly. You are a gossip.

Why are the animal and bird of this sign both creatures commonly cooked for dinner?

GRUS THE CRANE Month: May Flower: Bluebell Stone: Diamond Animal: Gnu Bird: Crane Fish: Flying Fish Color: Blue Ruling Planet: Sarina Born a Grus you are friendly and active. You become bored easily and are often quite pickly,

Grus is an actual constellation. But it doesn’t lie on the ecliptic.

KI’ANG THE SACRIFICIAL KNIFE Month: June Flower: Dogtooth Stone: Opal Animal: Bear Bird: Eagle Fish: Shark Color: Violet Ruling Planet: Belotsi Born a Ki’ang you are agressive and a leader. You cannot tolerate stupidity. You are wise and loyal, but often hostile.

I created this sign after a prolonged period of fascination with the Aztecs. Later in life, I married one. But it didn’t last.

CHING THE CARNIVOROUS PLANT Month: July Flower: Venus fly trap Stone: Peridot Animal: Coyote Bird: None Fish: Pilot fish Color: Lt. Green Ruling Planet: Senecca Chingians are tricky people who can easily double-talk you. They make good thieves and are usually warm and loving.

I wonder what a carnivorous plant has to do with being a deceitful, warm, and loving thief.

LANA THE SNAKE Month: August Flower: Anemone Stone: Onyx Animal: Snake Bird: Osprey Fish: Eel Color: Yellow Ruling Planet: Dole Snake Children are very cunning and deceitful. They are usually graceful and lithe. They are thrifty and loving & caring.

I see that my fifth-grade analysis of those with a snake sign matches that of J. K. Rowling’s (Slytherin). But it’s harder to see how that co-exists with being thrifty and loving.

INA O’PO’O THE DRAGON ** Month: September Flower: Iris Stone: Sapphire Animal: Dragon Bird: Vulture Fish: Barracuda Color: Deep Purple Ruling Planet: Chicagonite Dragon People are the king of the other sighns. [sic] They are loving, caring.

I was born in September, so of course that month has the best write-up.

** Shows my Hawaiian influence, obviously.

QUASER THE TWIN STARS Month: October Flower: Pansy Stone: Chrysoberl Animal: Dog Bird: Emu Fish: Trout Color: Gold Ruling Planet: Alpha Centauri Born a Quaser you are critical and a stay-at-home. You are very active and light-headed.

At my age then I didn’t quite understand what a quasar was. Only that the name sounded cool and had something to do with ultra-powered stars. The ruling planet is also the only space object that really exists (but it is a star and not a planet.) I’m not even gonna go into the four very disparate personality traits.

SCOPTOS THE SKULL Month: November Flower: Sunflower Stone: Cat’s Eye Opal Animal: Leopard Bird: Owl Fish: Shark Color: Olive-brown Ruling Planet: DEATH Born a Scoptos you are solemn and quiet. You are a leader in many things. You are most likely fair and tall.

I cannot get over the fact the ruling planet of this sign is DEATH!!

KRYTNON THE KROWN Month: December Flower: Sunflower Stone: Ruby Animal: Gazelle Bird: Hummingbird Fish: Ray Color: Rose Ruling Planet: Marina You are highly dominating and attractive. Unfortunately your rude ways turn you off to many people.

This is the only personality description of all the signs that makes any sense.

SOLAL THE SUN Month: The thirteenth month Flower: Concubine (I think I meant columbine) Stone: Jade Animal: Lygon (I think I meant liger) Bird: Quetzalcoatl Fish: Minnow Color: Lt. Yellow Ruling Planet: The sun rules you As a Solal you are friendly and independent. You are never cold. You have a tendency to be stingy and greedy, and sensitive.

We are running into uncharted territory here with the addition of a thirteenth month. What season that month was in, I wasn’t sure. It was too heady a concept for me. So I simply let it lie with “the thirteenth month.”

RASHI THE RAINBOW Month: The fourteenth month Flower: Crocus Stone: Platinum Animal: Giraffe Bird: Hummingbird Fish: Pukapuka (I meant the humuhumunukunukuāpua‘a, or reef triggerfish) Color: All colors Ruling Planet: Joma Born a Rashi you are shy, sensitive and meat. You are a comfort and care.

My brain has been turned to mush by all this. How about yours?

But I adapted most of it as the zodiac system for the Escharne novels and stories.