And other body parts as well, apparently. Artwork by the great Ed Emshweller.
The Hills Have Eyes
Worldbuilding Wednesday 2/3/21: Blues Singers
Billie Holiday and her dog Mister backstage
Entirely by coincidence, I found out that tables used for generating magic spells could also generate names suitable for blues singers from the first half of the twentieth century. Enjoy!
Blues Singers
| Sissy Withers
Addie Gate Sister Willie Ella Denny Durst Quincy Pearl Slow Soft Bird Nickie Jackson |
Jerris Howler
Jerkie Davis Viola Peach Junior Rufus Mama Vyrene Lewis Blind River Otter Big Vulture Daddy |
Dating the Future
Illustration by Jack Gaughn
One of the things I enjoy about vintage SFF illustrations is how it’s possible to pinpoint the time in which they were painted by how they depict hairstyles, clothing, and other elements. Take the image above. The woman has a fashionable hairdo like that of the Moonbase girls on the Gerry Anderson series UFO (1970) — and sported as well by many young women of the period — and she wears a silky blouse with poufed sleeves that were in fashion during the late 1970s. The being in back of her looks like a tall Jawa from the original Star Wars movie, which dates the artwork further to, or after, 1977 when the movie was released. So I would say it was painted in the years 1977 to 1980.
Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/27/21: Let’s Talk About Shakespeare
William Shakespeare is considered by many to be the greatest writer in the English language. He left behind a legacy of 39 plays and 154 sonnets that are still being performed and read today. Just to hear the name “Shakespeare” among someone’s interests is a mark of high intellectual discernment, and used as an adjective, it expresses even more. “Shakespearean” can denote a plot (or even real-life events) of high drama, a lush use of language, or even a mode of dress.
As a name, its origin is straightforward and dates from Old English. Back then, in the 1300s, “shake” meant to brandish or hold, and “spear” is of course a spear. Therefore Shakespeare meant the family’s originator was some anonymous spearman, a soldier.
Being as Shakespeare is held in such high renown, and inhabited a European world moving out of the Renaissance but still not into the Industrial Revolution, he could be a bit character or background fluff in many fantasy worlds. Here are some different names for him to hint that he is pretty much the same character.
Variations on Shakespeare
| Shathemberpeare
Shamespear Drakeslear Scufeddaleíre Shekespea Cakeslear Takespeer Sabellvhier Shatrapean Shethespure Bakespoety |
Shadespeera
Shatellapá Shadespeera Shatellapá Zëkepeazh Sjakespeát Sheikstriar Shakesneer Shakspiqué Rakespare Shortesnoire |
Chanteuse
Distinctive cover for a pulpy men’s paperback, I’m guessing from the late 1960s by the singer’s teased hair and polka-dotted bodysuit. However the chest straps are very un-1960s, even for Paco Rabanne. And note those clawed hands, hard eyeliner, and sad Francoise Hardy face!
Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/20/21: Animal Magic
Magical experimentation created this hybrid between hedgehog and lion.
Need some spells about animals for your campaign? Look no further.
Animal Magic
| Aelbun’s Annoying Sparrow: Enchants a nearby sparrow to harass an opponent by diving at it and flying in its face. Humanoid creatures will attack at -1 capacity.
Blandoth’s Wrack Sea Serpent: Causes great pain in sea serpents of all kinds. Most often used for torture. Born of the Wolf: This spell convinces the victim they are a werewolf. Charm of the Minotaur: Bestows on the caster all the charisma of a fully grown minotaur, which is to say, none, except to another minotaur. Frogspider: Turns frogs or toads into spiders, and vice versa. If the original form was poisonous, so is the changed form. Glove of the Dragon: Rare and powerful, the dragon glove corresponds to any dragon type. It enables the user to create a mini version of the dragon’s breath weapon merely by pointing a finger. Most versions of this glove depict scales and claws. Grinlo’s Chanting Cats: When activated, this spell causes all cats (including magical ones) in the area to chant a short phrase over and over, like “Go back! There is danger” or “The witch is out at the moment” in high-pitching, mewing voices. Impish Bull: Enchants a nearby bull into acting in a mischievous manner. Keep Hound: Successfully enables the caster to adopt a stray dog. Minotaur Musk: Used as a vital ingredient in enchanted perfumes. Phoenix Tinderbox: When someone tries to light a fire with this cursed tinderbox, it completely burns both the box and the user up. Primrose’s Psittacine Fraternity: Spell that makes the caster understand parrot language and makes the caster more attractive to them. Often used to train parrots. Vyrez’s Fractious Hare: Confuses and enrages any lapine animal to the point of attack. Whip of the Squid: This magical whip resembles a cat o’ nine tails. Six whips are normal length, two are much longer and tipped with small hooks. The total number of attacks is eight. The longer strands can hook into an opponent and draw them closer. This whip gives +3 on attacks when used on the sea (i.e. on a boat) or by the sea (on a beach.) Wyvern Wool: A very rare, highly magical, fibrous substance sometimes found growing on the undersides of sexually mature wyverns that are ready to mate. Wyvern wool can be of any color and is harsh to the touch. It is an essential ingredient in magical rope and certain types of magical clothing. Zhism’s Clasping Scorpion: This small, brass pin in the shape of a scorpion will hold any two items together indefinitely. |
Decision
Heart of gold?
Or heart of glass?
Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/13/21: Ancient Empires
Over the summer as I was immersed in Narnia I read a lot about the Old Testament, and in turn about the ancient civilizations of the Near and Middle East. Most people know of Ur, Assyria, and the Phoenicians, but there were many others more obscure — Adiabene, the Girgashites, Hayasa-Azzi. Some were kingdoms, others city-states. Some might have been only a single tribe of like ethnicity.
Looking for a 4,000 year old civilization to pull out of your hat? Here’s a few.
Ancient Middle Eastern Civilizations
| Zith-Ronem
Bithcarmid Empire Athan Luda Aslumei Duam Lom Arsnannid Empire Chulah-Boenai The Kingdom of Nibaron Tarhia Betmna The Ebbagites Tarram-Raaith Zian Midath Huzonis Aadan |
Parthachian Empire
Ebumel Kingdom of Koshenal Umram City of Sabna City-state of Ebbaveh Upper Merthaean Kingdom Mamarna Charonian Empire Babyanis Thebuan The Uthean Lands Emael Abbolita Kushdanni Thaanis |
* simper *
Seena Owens as a Babylonian Empress in the silent film classic Intolerance, 1929.
Worldbuilding Wednesday 1/6/21: Teen Movies of the 1980s
The 1980s were, perhaps, the Golden Age of the teen movie. Exemplified by John Hughes, these slightly raunchy, traditionally romantic movies had wholesome names like Sweet Sixteen and Pretty in Pink that belied the nasty origins of their conception. Which came from the pages of The National Lampoon, of which Hughes was a writer. Yes, that National Lampoon, the bastion of hip, white maledom demonstrating its privilege like a dick wagging out of a fly. What Hughes did was strip it of its satire and injected sentimentality.
I hated these movies. Even their titles sound porny. Which sounds strange from a porn writer, I know. But I dislike the disingenuousness of them.
Though beloved by teens in their time, the movies were aspirational, not actual. In fact, the plots were likely wish fulfillment on the part of the male writers and directors. The suave teens in them got to have the fun, sex-filled adventures the creators never had in the prudish 1950s or politically unstable 1960s with its threat of The Draft. If they were about teen girls, they were pining after an older or wealthier boy, getting their wish at the story’s conclusion … sexist and dull, no matter how alluringly packaged they were.
Anyway, if you need to reference a 1980s teen movie in your work, here’s a list of imaginary ones.
Forgotten Teen Movies of the 1980s
| Valley Babes
Fresh Pink One Wild Guy War Drive My Private Boy The Bad Date Licensed to Dance Roller Genius |
Private Games
Some Kind of Risky Revenge of the Crush Rebel In Pink Real Boy in a Red War Love Club Admirer A Little About What Drives Nerds Nuts Fast Love at Sixteen |